Bottom 10 bleeps out potty mouths
The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:
Woody: "All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy."
Buzz Lightyear: "Toy?"
Woody: "T-O-Y, toy!"
Buzz Lightyear: "Excuse me, I believe the word you're searching for is 'Space Ranger.'"
Woody: "The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's preschool toys present."
-- Tom Hanks and Tim Allen, "Toy Story"
The Bottom 10 may be home to the Toilet Bowl but it is no place for potty mouths.
Think of the children and the preschool toys, for goodness' sake!
Woody had the decency to refrain himself. The same cannot be said of the Academy Award-winning actor who provided Woody's voice. Nor can it be said of college football coaches.
Tom Hanks' F-bomb faux pas on "Good Morning America" Tuesday earns the Bottom 10's forgiveness for being a case of putting his foot in his mouth.
Wyoming coach Dave Christensen needs to put a bar of soap in his.
The Cowboys suspended Christensen for one game and fined him $50,000 after video of his foul-mouthed tirade during a postgame handshake with Air Force coach Troy Calhoun went viral.
The Mountain West reprimanded Christensen after the incident, which took place after Air Force's 28-27 win on Oct. 13, but the Cowboys waited until Monday to announce his suspension and fine.
Christensen took exception to what he viewed as time-wasting tactics by the Falcons, accusing an Air Force player of faking an injury to stop the clock right before the play that produced the game-winning touchdown.
The Bottom 10 took exception to Christensen's affront on coaching decorum and his inappropriate invocation of Howdy Doody's name.
Cincinnati was headed to infinity and beyond until Toledo's Rockets shot the Bearcats out of the sky. Toledo is a fine team, but anytime hopes of an unbeaten season come undone at the hands of a MAC opponent, it's worthy of No. 5 distinction.
Southern Miss faces Rice in the Pillow Fight of the Week.
With apologies to Steve Harvey and Tom Hanks, here is this week's Bottom 10:
|ESPN.com's Bottom 10|
|1.||Southern Miss||0-7||"Road to Perdition": It's an unpleasant, unfamiliar and increasingly lonely road the Golden Eagles are traveling on, but salvation may be found in the basement of C-USA. Their remaining four opponents have combined for nine wins.|
|2.||UMass||0-7||"Big": UMass wanted to play with the big boys in FBS. Maybe the Minutemen should have been more careful about what they wished for. Where's the nearest Zoltar machine?|
|3.||Idaho||1-7||"A League of Their Own": There's no crying in baseball, but apparently there is in football. A teary-eyed Jason Gesser took over as Idaho's interim coach following Robb Akey's dismissal. Gesser should save his tears for next season, when the Vandals won't even have a league to call their own.|
|4.||New Mexico State||1-6||"Catch Me If You Can": Keeping up with Louisiana Tech is no easy task -- the Bulldogs just dropped 70 on Idaho. New Mexico State will try its luck when it hosts the nation's highest-scoring team Saturday.|
|5.||Cincinnati||5-1||"Cast Away": A search party should have been sent out sooner because the Bearcats were too late in showing up against Toledo. Wilson can keep them company on the Bottom 10, but they have only themselves to blame.|
|6.||Akron||1-7||"That Thing You Do!": The Bottom 10 isn't sure what Akron calls it, but it's certainly not defense. The Zips have given up at least 34 points in six of their eight games. Which is a shame, because the offense isn't half-bad.|
|7.||Kansas||1-6||"Forrest Gump": Momma said a lot of things, but even she would have a hard time finding a silver lining for Kansas. If life really is like a box of chocolates, none of them taste very good to the Jayhawks these days.|
|8.||UNLV||1-6||"Angels & Demons": The Bottom 10's representative from the City of Sin could use some wings to carry it out of its current state.|
|9.||F_U||2-13||"Turner & Hooch": The Bottom 10's dynamic duo has picked up the scent and is in hot pursuit of a win. FAU and FIU lost by a combined four points on Saturday, but have yet to crack a winning case in 12 consecutive games between them.|
|10.||Wyoming||1-6||"Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close": That's what it probably felt like for Troy Calhoun, the subject of Dave Christensen's profanity-laced tirade. The Cowboys might be better served censoring Saturday's visit from Boise State, which promises to be anything but polite.|
Waiting list: Army (1-6); Auburn (1-6); Buffalo (1-6); Boston College (1-6); Colorado (1-6); Colorado State (1-6); Hawaii (1-5); Kentucky (1-7); Memphis (1-6); Tulane (1-6); UAB (1-6); West Virginia; and South Carolina's title hopes.
Conor Nevins is a college football editor for ESPN.com.
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