Normally, we would not trouble you with such a localized issue; you prefer your news along the lines of "Tyson Eats Mailman; Fight With Lewis Delayed," or "Seguignol Leaves Camp, Says Expos Won't Redo His Contract."

	Cal's president likes Stanford -- Tree and all.

But when the story has wider ramifications, like causing dogs to commingle with cats, or ministers to pull off their own heads, well, your need to know supersedes your need to be entertained, offended or just robbed of time you could spend more profitably elsewhere.

Thus, we wish to report that, in an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle, the chancellor of the University of California at Berkeley says his university should emulate Stanford.

This is the equivalent of Frenchmen being told they should be more like Germans, or firemen to be more like arsonists, or Tony Soprano to be more like David Niven.

In fact, this is the sporting equivalent of Oklahoma being more like Nebraska, or Florida being more like Florida State, or Red Sox being more like Yankees, or Canadiens being more like Maple Leafs.

You see, Cal grads have been trained over the last full century to hate Stanford, just as Stanford grads have been trained to hate Cal. After a while, it becomes reflexive, to the point where those who did not attend either school watch the phenomenon and ask, "Why are those Siamese twins beating the snot out of each other?"

And now, chancellor Robert Berdahl is quoted as saying that (a) Stanford does athletics right, which both results and contributions prove, and (b) that Cal should model its program on Stanford, which would probably be a good idea if not for that one nagging problem:

Mutual inbred hatred.

True, athletics at Cal and Stanford are not the engines by which the schools are driven, as opposed to, say, most other places. But the two extended student bodies have learned over the years to use them as sticks to beat their friends in the next cubicle at work.

And because Stanford has taken the leading role over the past decade with all those Sears Directors Trophy keychains and routine beatings of their crossbay brethren in most sports, the Cal folks are particularly sensitive these days to having it smooshed in their faces, especially by the high lord sheriff of their own school.

Imagine if such a thing were to happen at, say, North Carolina and Duke, or Michigan and Ohio State, or Texas and Texas A&M. We would like to think that we would see buildings burned to the ground on the late SportsCenter, and suited figures burned in effigy. We are confident that the sense of outrage would glow deep into the night.

So far at Cal, though, nothing. On the streets of Berkeley and on the campus itself, peace reigns. Birds sing, animals roam free, students head to class and there is still no place to park.

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Imagine if such a thing were to happen at, say, North Carolina and Duke, or Michigan and Ohio State, or Texas and Texas A&M. We would like to think that we would see buildings burned to the ground on the late SportsCenter, and suited figures burned in effigy. We are confident that the sense of outrage would glow deep into the night. ”

This is, frankly, troublesome. To be told that Satan should be your insurance carrier ought to be more infuriating than this. But Cal people say, "Well, if we had $400 million to operate our athletic department ..." and "If we weren't a publicly operated school ..." and "If we'd hired Bobby Bowden instead of Tom Holmoe ..."

This kind of cheap justification is simply wrong. We want fury. We want Cal fans taking to the streets. In fact, we want them to take the streets of Palo Alto, emptying the Starbucks of frappucinos and the Sharper Images of plutonium-powered Palm Pilots. We want them surrounding Berdahl's office and demanding his resignation, lobotomy and a stern talking-to after that.

We want what we would get in Tallahassee or Starkville, College Station or Columbus, Westwood or Los Angeles ... for that matter, we want what we would get in Bosnia or Herzegovina.

True, it's early yet. The story only hit the porch Monday morning, and there might yet still be hell for Berdahl to pay for violating protocol.

Still, the fact that it hasn't happened yet concerns all right-thinking troublemakers. We would hate to think that we're going to need to truck in outside agitators to get the kind of reaction we would get immediately outside Fenway Park or Texas Stadium.

But we'll do what we have to do. After all, you can't fool Mother Nature, but sometimes you have to give her a kick to get her started.

Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle is a frequent contributor to ESPN.com.