February 'In our opinion'

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Periodically we post short opinions about the topics of the day. They are collected here when they come off the ESPN Commentary index.

See January's file here.

Feb. 29: Testing, testing, testing

So, to recap: valuable baseballer Ryan Braun either failed or did not fail a drug test that was either mishandled or not mishandled because a man did or did not keep a stranger's urine in his basement one weekend in Wisconsin. The end.

Congratulations to Major League Baseball for another avant-garde contribution to our international Theater of the Absurd. It is noted here as a matter of stagecraft that modern comedy is simply tragedy + Bud Selig.

It's also worth remembering that organized baseball has no actual interest in rooting out performance enhancers. Rather, it needs to give that appearance. That's the true performance.

There's no moral or ethical imperative here, only vaudeville, a fiction to keep the rubes in their seats and the turnstiles turning. The imprecise language and Silly Putty protocols of the testing agreement are proof enough of this.

-- Jeff MacGregor

Feb. 28: Scrubbing the clubhouse of suds

T

he ongoing debate about beer in the Boston Red Sox clubhouse ("Light beer: threat or menace?") is a sign of many things: slow news days, strong managerial personalities and the ongoing infatuation with Boston's 2011 collapse.

More than anything, it shows how different a clubhouse is from most workplaces. The idea of having alcohol (free of charge!) in the office is unusual everywhere but a brewery, distillery or winery. But in a baseball clubhouse, it's accepted.

A GM I covered 20 years ago once took a stand; he figured his players would drink less if he replaced cans with a keg. He thought the walk from keg to locker to refill would discourage them after a couple. But on the second day of the experiment, a certain reliever arrived for work triumphantly waving plastic pitchers strung through his hands. Mission thwarted.

-- Tim Keown

Feb. 24: Braun and brains

T

he Ryan Braun decision doesn't feel much like a resolution. A handler takes the urine testing sample home with him because he assumes FedEx/Kinkos is closed, and two out of three arbitrators come to the conclusion that the guy's basement isn't a suitable storage facility.

And, presto change-o, Braun's reputation is restored and the National League MVP is pristine once again?

It's hard to imagine anyone other than Aaron Rodgers believing this is "exoneration." (I love you, Aaron, but stick with fixing the Pro Bowl.) Maybe this is a logical culmination of a cloudy era. MLB is livid over the embarrassing decision, and the rest of us do what we've been doing for the past four or five years: We see the letters "P-E-D," and our eyes glaze over as we listen to the excuses and denials. And then, with a decision that is all clouds and sno sun, we shrug and move on.

-- Tim Keown

Feb. 23: Billboard

Up and down the streets of Los Angeles, Riverside and Orange County, billboards of Albert Pujols as "The Man" are on display. "EL Hombre" is spelled out next to his image.

Although not a genius marketing campaign, it is a perfect introduction of Pujols to Southern Cali. More importantly it says everything that needs to be said about the Angels' what their true expectations.

Pujols doesn't like the billboards. Out of respect to the original "The Man" (Stan Musial), Pujols would like to be marketed by another name.

I say, for the $240 million the Angels spent on him for him to save baseball in L.A., "El Hombre Maravilla" better describes whom Albert better be.

-- Scoop Jackson

Feb. 21: Lessons learned

You can tell by Mitch Kupchak's response to Kobe Bryant's rant urging that Pau Gasol be taken out of trade limbo already that Kupchak learned to be the Lakers' general manager at the knee of Jerry West.

It was West, now a consultant for Golden State, who said earlier this season that teams should try this no-nonsense approach to star players who keep trying to run their franchise's trade talks: Tell them no.

As in nyet. Nope. Not your call.

Imagine that.

-- Johnette Howard

Kupchak basically told Bryant the same thing Monday. The Lakers GM said he'll keep all possibilities open until the March 15 trade deadline. And if Dwight Howard somehow lands in the Lakers' laps because of that, well&somehow we think Kobe would be just fine with that, thanks.

Feb. 17: Open era?

I

see in the papers that Seattle wants a new arena. More correctly, I see online that a rich businessman wants to buy into the super-exclusive fraternity of moneyed knuckleheads and bored sportsmen by erecting another state-of-the-art boondoggle.

The promise is always the same: It's a civic good! This time it'll all be different! Build it and they will come! It won't cost the city a dime! I give you my personal guarantee!

Only killjoys and schoolmarms pause to ask how big a children's hospital you could build for $250 million. How great a library. How safe a homeless shelter.

Your check is in the mail! Your call is important to us! Everybody gets a share! Maybe we can steal away the Kings or the Devils! Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!

-- Jeff MacGregor

Feb. 15: Open era?

It might seem like a little thing, a minor news item: Penn State released details this week about new head football coach Bill O'Brien's contract.

But it's more than minor. In fact, it just might herald the dawn of a major new era in State College, and I don't just mean the change in coaches. Forever and ever, Penn State has used Pennsylvania's curiously-limited open records laws to stonewall requests for information about athletic department finances (including the late Joe Paterno's salary) and other data generally available about, and from, other public universities across the nation.

Now this. Why, it smacks of actual transparency and accountability! Could it be that the firestorm over the university's role in the Jerry Sandusky scandal actually woke somebody up there? If so, let's all welcome Penn State to the 21st century.

-- Michael Knisley

Feb. 14: Worth every penny

R

oddy White might think Roger Goodell is overpaid, but the NFL shouldn't listen to the Falcons receiver.

Since taking over as commissioner, Goodell has presented an amiable public face while being unafraid to discipline even star players. The league is thriving, and the lockout didn't cost fans any games or damage any owner's long-term bottom line. It says here his $20 million-a-year salary is probably a good deal for the NFL.

Still, there's this question: For that much money, shouldn't Goodell find a solution for the intractable problem of head injuries and concussions?

Even White might want to kick in if he can do that.

-- Matthew Friedrichs

Feb. 13: Vintage efforts

M

aybe it's closing time for Hines Ward with Pittsburgh. He's almost 36, after all. But remember: "Closing time" is rarely a fixed spot on the Planet Sports clocks.

Otherwise, Jose Canseco wouldn't be flying down to Mexico to try out for the Quintana Roo Tigers at the age of 47. Jamie Moyer wouldn't be reporting to the Rockies spring training camp next week at the age of 49. Lance Armstrong wouldn't be finishing second and snubbing the winner of the Panama half ironman at the age of 40.

So take heart, Hines. If the Steelers cut you off, here's bettin' there's an after-hours club still open for you, too.

-- Michael Knisley

Feb. 10: Shame on the Dunkin' Blame

Blake Griffin dunked on Kendrick Perkins, and if you thought that was that, you aren't paying attention. When it comes to hang-time, the dunk has nothing on the aftermath.

The latest fallout came when the obstacle (Perkins) took considerable offense with a tweet issued by LeBron James, who mentioned Perkins by name and relegated himself to "#2" on the unofficial internal dunk rankings.

Perkins got mad, said something about Kobe, and LeBron responded with hyperbole. He said everybody blames LeBron for many things, including but not limited to: the cartoons your kids watch and your grocer's milk selection.

Let it be said: LeBron is right about being a receptacle for blame. He doesn't get away with much. He's wrong about the milk, though. Most of blame the cows, and Rodney Harrison blames Gronkowski.

-- Tim Keown

Feb. 9: Let them eat EPO

More bad news this week for cycling. And doping. Not only was Alberto Contador retroactively banned and stripped of his 2010 Tour de France victory, but grande dame Jeannie Longo's husband was arrested for trafficking EPO. And Jan Ullrich, beloved and already long gone, was sent back in the time machine to forfeit his 2005 TdF result. What can a fan even believe?

I believe there is no more taxing sporting event on earth than one of cycling's Grand Tours. I believe if science delivers us carbon fiber, maybe it should grant us synthetic HGH as well. I believe Lance Armstrong is the greatest bike racer who ever lived. I believe he used whatever medical or biomechanical advantages were at his disposal.

I believe human nature remains largely ungovernable. I believe if everyone is breaking the rules, maybe it's time to change the rules.

-- Jeff MacGregor

Feb. 8: Grading UConn's proposed deal

Thanks to the brilliant economists in the UConn athletic department, we now know the value of one NCAA Tournament game.

For a waiver to play in the 2013 tourney, the Huskies would like to trade four regular-season games, off-campus recruiting meetings in the fall between coach Jim Calhoun and athletic youngsters, and any money they'd earn from said tourney.

This work of dubious academic merit deserves the same failing grade that resulted in the pending postseason ban.

-- Matthew Friedrichs

Feb. 7: Careful what you wish for

Just when we think the grass is greener on the other side, Tom Brady's better half (not the Belichick half) felt it necessary to voice her post-Super Bowl opinions and throw Tom's teammates under the "My husband can not f------ throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time" bus.

Any other wife who'd do something like this: no big deal. But when the wife has half a million Twitter followers and Google image searches piling up every minute and her name is Gisele Bundchen … problem.

Funny how a super model can be every man's dream and one man's nightmare.

-- Scoop Jackson

Feb. 6: Too soon, too soon

A universal criterion needs to be established immediately. Something to stop us from being prisoners of the moment.

For the last seven days, Blake Griffin's violation of/on Kendrick Perkins has been called or considered "The Greatest Dunk Ever." Stop. Moving forward, anything in sports considered in the "greatest ever" category needs to be something that has a very, very, very small probability of ever happening again.

So … about Griffin. Is there a chance we'll ever see a dunk like that again? Yes. The chances of seeing someone jump over a 7-footer and dunk on him in Olympic competition again? Never. There's your G.O.A.T.

-- Scoop Jackson

Feb. 3: Eli's Big Week

Eli Manning's Super Bowl Week Diary:

MONDAY -- Peyton dinner.
TUESDAY -- Peyton TV interview.
WEDNESDAY -- Peyton cleared to play.
THURSDAY -- Peyton to Jets? Really? That's a thing?
FRIDAY -- Peyton dinner.
SATURDAY -- Peyton Super Bowl commercials announced.
SUNDAY -- Win Super Bowl.
MONDAY -- Peyton free-agent press conference.

-- Jeff MacGregor

Feb. 2: No QB is an island

There is nothing more tiresome than the senseless prattle about where this quarterback or that quarterback sits in the pantheon of quarterbacks. (Well, there's this, but any further comment on that bit of legalized embezzlement is probably unnecessary.)

The quarterback talk inevitably finds its way around to the topic of Super Bowl victories, and the end result makes me want to pound a nail with my forehead. With a win Sunday, will Tom Brady overtake Joe Montana? Where does Terry Bradshaw fit? If Eli wins his second, does he automatically usurp big brother Peyton? Is Trent Dilfer better than Dan Marino? Wait … what?

Good grief. For this reason alone, and in the interest of preserving whatever sanity remains, the two-week lag between the championship games and the Super Bowl should be abolished.

-- Tim Keown

Feb. 1: Competitive nature

Don't mock Aaron Rodgers for being the only the NFC player who didn't get the memo that Sunday's NFL Pro Bowl was just a meaningless exhibition. The attitude beautifully explains how Rodgers became Rodgers. And anyway, he's hardly the first great athlete who has behaved that way.

Redskins coach Mike Shanahan couldn't believe Peyton Manning actually studied game film for an AFC Pro Bowl team that he coached. Years ago, a tennis official once told me a story about how she found John McEnroe in the arena boiler room in Denver wiping away tears of anger because he'd lost just lost an exhibition match to his fellow retiree but still-heated rival Jimmy Connors.

In Rodgers case, you don't navigate sitting behind Brett Favre, the NFL's Methusalah, for years, then come out of mothballs to win last year's Super Bowl or play quarterback at a level many experts called best ever if you're not doggedly competitive. So good for Rodgers if he couldn't stomach the lack of effort in the NFC's 59-41 loss. It looked pretty ugly from here too.

-- Johnette Howard

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