John Sciulli/WireImage for Bragman Nyman CafarelliIs it this item a thinly veiled excuse for us to run a photo of Brooklyn Decker? You be the judge.

Presenting Page 2's adjusted* men's professional tennis rankings for the week of Feb. 7:

1. Andy Roddick

2. That Federer guy

3-499. Everyone else

* Adjusted rankings based on weighted tournament results, Grand Slam performances, match statistics and spouse appearances on cover of Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

Lose all your money betting on the Super Bowl? Make a little extra cash this week by perusing Page 2's own Classifraud Ads.

FOR SALE: One Super Bowl-winning blueprint. Slightly soiled. Also for sale -- 9,989 T-shirts that say, "Welcome Home, Colts!" (We ordered 10,000, but only 11 fans showed up at the airport.) Will consider trade for draft picks. Call Jim or Bill at Lucas Oil Stadium.

HELP WANTED: Tradition-rich college basketball team, playing biggest rival, desperately seeks outside shooters. Freshmen are OK. MUST PLAY DEFENSE! Call Roy at the Dean Dome in Chapel Hill, N.C.

IDENTITY THEFT! Attention -- a man in the Orlando area was recently spotted impersonating Vince Carter, circa 2004. The fraud wore Carter's uniform and looked just like him, but tipped his hand by scoring 48 points against the Hornets. Please call the Orlando police with any information.

EQUIPMENT WANTED: College basketball team, former No. 1, needs parachute to stop free fall into the NIT, save job. Burnt orange preferred, not a must. Call R. Barnes in Austin, Texas.

NEED TO BUY: Snow. They say the Inuit peoples see dozens of different kinds of snow. We need them all now! For more info, please contact the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, ASAP.

The Indianapolis Colts had 11 fans waiting for them at the airport when they returned home from Miami. That's right: 11. No ",000" no "k". Just 11. Where were the rest of the team's fans and why didn't they show their support? It turns out the members of Colts Nation State Village had many different reasons for staying home. Here are a few:

• enjoying Indianapolis' famous … shrimp cocktail?

• shopping for Acuras.

• standing in line for tickets for the Indianapolis Indians -- proud Triple-A affiliate of the Pittsburgh Pirates!

• still too distraught about that Week 16 loss to the Jets.

• airport runway wasn't domed.

• cornholing.

Kent Phillips 

One of these dudes is the country's biggest cultural icon ... and the other is a mouse (and our boss).

While the folks of Main Street, USA, in Disney World certainly know how to throw a parade, there's something about Tuesday's parade in New Orleans that might just have a little more ... hmm ... shall we say joie de vivre to it.

Keystone/Getty ImagesYou'll be surprised at the connections between the Saints, Colts and the characters in "M*A*S*H."

While some people were surprised by the two-touchdown Saints victory over the Colts on Sunday, many were just as astonished at the game's television rating -- topping the 1983 finale of "M*A*S*H" to become the most-watched program in U.S. television history.

Page 2 believes there is more to this than meets the eye. Upon closer examination of Sunday's theatrics, we think the characters and storylines of Super Bowl XLIV nearly mirror those involved in "M*A*S*H." Thus, Page 2 presents the following "M*A*S*H"-up consisting of Super Bowl XLIV figures cast as iconic "M*A*S*H" characters.

Garrett Hartley as "Radar" O'Reilly
Like O'Reilly, the place-kicker for the Saints seems to have an extra sense about him. Hartley called his dad at 2:15 a.m. the morning before the NFC Championship Game reporting he had a vision of himself kicking the game-winning field goal. Well, we all know how that prediction turned out -- in fact, it was just as good as all three 40-plus-yard field goals Hartley nailed during the Super Bowl.

Father R. Tony Ricard (Saints chaplain)/Father Peter Gallagher (Colts chaplain) as Father Mulcahy
It appears that the man upstairs was partial to Father Ricard and the Saints, but check out this interesting piece on both team chaplains.

Peyton Manning as Frank Burns
Before heading to the battlefield, Burns apparently had a long apprenticeship under his father -- sound familiar? And guess where Burns honed his craft? In Indiana. Like Burns, Manning is a stickler for preparation and protocol, as evidenced by his no-nonsense Super Bowl week routine.

Read More »

ESPN.com Illustration 

Uh oh! It's almost Valentine's Day!

Whether your looking to please your man or your woman, relax -- we got you covered.

GIFT GUIDE: FOR MEN | FOR WOMEN

Harry How/Getty ImagesKody Lostroh won five PBR events en route to capturing the 2009 championship.

With another bowl officially in the books, it's time to move the chains down the page in the sporting phone book to bull. We caught up with defending Professional Bull Riders circuit world champion Kody Lostroh to try and figure out just why mamas shouldn't let their babies to grow up to be like him. Grab a spot by the campfire, cowboy, and wise up on the sport whose season is just heating up. Rule No. 1: Don't squat with your spurs on.

Page 2: I once had a few wild go-rounds on a mechanical bull in a New Orleans bar -- Bourbon Cowboy -- so I want you to know that I already have a pretty good understanding of what it takes to be a rodeo champ.

Kody Lostroh: Mechanical bulls are just bar amusement rides, really. They might look like the real thing but they don't compare a dang bit.

Really? I'm telling you this one on Bourbon Street is legit. I was pretty sore the next day, so I can only imagine the beating you take from the real thing.

Yeah, our pain tolerance is probably higher than the average, but we've been doing this our whole lives, so we're used to living a little banged up. Actually, it's only when you take some time off that you realize how good your body feels when it's not sore. You kind of get used to it.

Read More »