Another long detour, even for me, on the way to today's fantasy content. Click here to just get to the Love/Hates. Otherwise, I would like to release a statement.
I have never met Tiger Woods. I have never texted with him, never spoken with him, never had any kind of romantic relationship with him.
Make no mistake. I thought about doctoring some photos, hiring Gloria Allred or making something up to get myself into the Tiger story. I mean, this one time, I did make out with my girlfriend while the final round of the Masters was on in the background, so maybe I can claim I'm involved in a love triangle with Tiger? The girl did say she thought Tiger was cute. Hmmm. Tiger tried to steal my girlfriend. ... Let me work on that one. I might be onto something here.
Look, I gotta figure something out. It's clearly the quickest way to fame at the minute. The more famous I get, the more awareness I bring to ESPN.com and our fantasy sports games. More famous means my page views and podcast downloads go up, which means more money from ESPN, more money from endorsements, in fact, I might actually get endorsements and, of course, all the other perks.
Insider access to pretty much anywhere I want to go, people catering to my every whim, money, girls and nonstop adoration wherever I go.