According to the Indianapolis Star, a former city council president has drafted a civic resolution demanding that the Indianapolis Colts refund fans who purchased tickets to the team's 29-15 Sunday home loss to the New York Jets, a game that saw coach Jim Caldwell bench star quarterback Peyton Manning and other starters during the second half, the better to preserve their health for the NFL Playoffs.
Said Beurt SerVass, the former council president:
To have all these people come down on a snowy night and have to pay [hundreds] for a ticket, they want to see the Colts work. It really wasn't a football game. It was a spectacle and not a very nice spectacle.
Indeed. Here at Page 2, we couldn't agree more. In fact, we'd like to see SerVass' refund logic applied far and wide across the sports world. Behold:
- Prorated, per-second refunds for every moment starting players aren't in the game. Nobody is paying good money to see benchwarmers like Manu Ginobli and Lamar Odom.
- Challenge flag timeouts. Nobody trudges through the snow to watch referees stick their heads under a hooded monitor. Where's the entertainment value? (Oh, and the same can be said for injury timeouts, team trainers and stabilizing neck injuries).
- Mascots that have to change into aerodynamic secondary outfits to complete trampoline dunks. Seriously, you're already spotting yourself a trampoline.
- Fans shooting outright air balls in promotional free throw contests. You're telling me you can't even draw glass?
- Whenever the cup of coffee wins the digital scoreboard race. Totally rigged. Everyone knows a walking doughnut is faster than an ambulatory cup o' joe.
- The entire NFL preseason.
- Ninety-five percent of every baseball game. C'mon, don't just stand around!
- When NHL teams let things like skating, passing and shooting get in the way of fighting.
- When NBA players watch the cheerleaders and the digital scoreboard races instead of paying attention to the play drawn up in the huddle, even if they're benchwarmers like Ginobli and Odom.
- Former civic officials who make spectacles of themselves by demanding time and tax dollars be spent on silly, non-binding resolutions instead of fixing potholes and burned-out traffic lights.