Old-Relic Kaboom, sponsored in part by...

Wed, Dec 30
11:54
AM ET

Texas Stadium
AP PhotoA cheesy explosion sounds fun and delicious.

Mac and cheese too bland?

Just add dynamite.

Kraft Foods is reportedly the front-runner to sponsor next year's demolition of Texas Stadium.

No, we're not making this up.

In fact, Page 2 loves the notion of corporate-sponsored Ka-Bloom! so much that we'd like to attach our name to the inevitable "Hurt Locker" denouement of sports items which have outlived their usefulness. Behold, our list:

  • Notre Dame's "Play Like A Champion Today" sign
  • Vinny Del Negro's office
  • A giant pile of Michael Jordan Washington Bullets throwback jerseys, a la Disco Demolition Night
  • The remains of the SpyGate tapes previously destroyed by the NFL, just to make double-sure no one can ever get a competitive advantage from them, since that's the only conceivable reason anyone would hastily destroy said tapes in the first place
  • The pretense of a good relationship between Mike Leach and Texas Tech University
  • Mascot CO2 cannons that fail to reach the upper bowl, even though that's where fans who could most benefit from a free T-shirt are sitting
  • Whatever MLB bylaws prevent the Pittsburgh Pirates from being relegated to Class AAA
  • The Dallas Cowboys' new stadium, since it won't be needed for more than one playoff game, anyway.