New Englanders invading Kansas City

Wed, Jan 13

First it was personnel guru Scott Pioli. Then it was Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel. After that, Charlie Weis came into the fold as offensive coordinator, and now Romeo Crennel has signed on to run the Chiefs' defense. Clearly, this is part of some master plan. Soon, "The Hoodie" himself, Bill Belichick, will be in town to replace Todd Haley at the helm in K.C. -- and bring Tom Brady with him. Sorry, Mr. Cassel -- back to the headset for you.

Still, is Kansas City (a city so nice it's in two states) really that much better than the greater Boston area? Let's go to the tale of the tape:


Kansas City: Steak and barbecue

Boston: Chowdah! The only food that's more fun to say than it is to eat. Also, bonus points for desserts -- the underrated Boston baked beans and Boston cream pie.

Winner: Boston, because superior sweets always win.


Kansas City: Charlie Parker and Count Basie

Boston: Steven Tyler, Joe Perry and the rest of Aerosmith. Penalty for giving us New Kids on the Block and Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Winner: K.C. wins. Granted, no one listens to jazz much anymore, but Joey McIntyre's late-'80s falsetto is still tough to shake from our collective ears.


Boston: The Red Sox -- a 21st-century payroll in a 20th-century ballpark

Kansas City: The Royals -- a 20th-century payroll in a 21st-century ballpark

Winner: K.C., for sure. Who wants to compete for championships when you can look at all those pretty fountains?


Boston: Paul Pierce, without whom the Celtics never would have returned to glory

Kansas City: Paul Pierce, the best KU alum (currently) in the league

Winner: Paul Pierce (in a photo finish)


Kansas City: Cowtown, River City

Boston: Beantown, The Hub

Winner: Neither. Call K.C. "Cowtown," and natives will sneer. Call Boston "Beantown," and you might get punched. Scratch that, you will get punched.


Kansas City: "Goin' to Kansas City," made famous by Little Richard, James Brown and the Beatles

Boston: "Dirty Water," made famous by The Standells

Winner: No-brainer. K.C. Which would you rather have? "Crazy little women" or "frustrated women" who "have to be in by 12 o'clock"?


Boston: Dropping R's; using the word "wicked" to mean "very"

Kansas City: Not winning a postseason game in any professional sport since the Joe Montana-led Chiefs beat the Houston Oilers in 1994. (No, K.C. fans, the MLS' Wizards and Arena Football League's Brigade do not count here.)

Winner: We didn't think wicked hahd about this one. Congrats, K.C. -- you've won by losing.