For sale: One Dallas Cowboys bandwagon. Almost new. Driven for only a few weeks. Will consider trade for Jets bandwagon.
For sale: Ten thousand "We're #1" burnt orange foam fingers. Slightly damaged Monday night in Manhattan, Kan. Must sell before a trip to Connecticut this weekend. If interested, contact Coach Barnes in Austin.
Tradition-rich college basketball rivalry seeks lost luster. Also need 3-point shooters. Badly. Please see Mike & Roy on Tobacco Road.
Space for rent: Billion-dollar stadium has no boxing megafight, no more football games and a squabble with the NBA over how many seats we can sell for All-Star Weekend. We need revenue! Now available for meetings, conventions, weddings, kids' birthday parties, Bar Mitzvahs and bake sales. Contact Jerry Jones in Big D.
NBA team seeks pest control professional to remove the word "surprising" from in front of our name. Please contact the Unsurprising Oklahoma City Thunder for info.
Furnished Manhattan apartment for lease -- includes a 5-foot-7½ bed. Will consider trading spaces for place in Boston and more PT.
Need to buy: Winter coat, boots, hat, gloves and scarf. Also need a quarterback, offensive lineman, running backs and a new stadium. Call Chan in Buffalo
Now hiring: Well-known basketball skills exhibition seeks marquee name to round out our bill. The right candidate will be athletic, creative and charismatic. He will also play in Cleveland. And should be named LeBron James. Qualified candidates only.
For sale: Used car, owned by former football coach. Slightly damaged last August in one-car accident. Allegedly. Call your Knoxville-area Lexus dealer for details.