Because it's too accurate, Glen Davis no longer wants "Big Baby" to be his nickname. Instead, he wants to be called "Uno-Uno" -- a nod to his jersey number, and Chad Ochocinco's poor Spanish grammar.
Nice try, big fella, but you don't get to pick your nickname. Somehow Kobe Bryant got away with this -- but Glen Davis? Not for 5.3 points per game, he doesn't.
While we're at it, it's time for us to go up and down the Celtics roster and make some changes. Davis and the rest of the C's will have to take what we give them.
• RASHEED WALLACE
New Nickname: Uncle Sheed
For years, that gray patch was the only sign of age on the perpetually youthful Sheed. Now, we wonder why the rest of his hair hasn't gotten the hint.
• RAY ALLEN
Nickname: Sugar Ray
New Nickname: Karma
Got Kobe'd for the game winner and missed the 3 at the buzzer on Sunday? Gotcha, say the basketball gods! They don't forget, Mr. Shuttlesworth.
• KEVIN GARNETT
Nickname: The Big Ticket
New Nickname: The Can't Fix It
Too young to remember the end for Chris Webber? It was like this, just without all the cussing.
• RAJON RONDO
New Nickname: Ra-On
That's right -- no J. And as long as teams do everything short of turn their backs on him outside, he'll be rayon to Chris Paul and Deron Williams' silk.
• GLEN DAVIS
Nickname: Big Baby
New Nickname: Dos-Siete-Cinco
How's this for motivation -- either he stays in shape, or it's "Glen" forever. Careful what you wish for, Big Baby.