Page 2 sets the line for Tiger Woods' statement

Thu, Feb 18
2:18
PM ET

A select, hand-picked audience. No questions. A single, crummy camera. Tiger Woods' upcoming mea-sorta-culpa media event -- we'd use the term news conference, but that would imply conferring -- figures to be riveting, but also oddly … boring. Which is likely how Woods wants it. Not us. As craven media hounds/children of TMZ, we crave excitement. Spice. If Page 2 has to create odds* to make tomorrow more interesting, so be it:

Tiger Woods
AP Photo/Stew Milne

* For recreational purposes only

Over/under, number of times Woods says "sorry": 5

Over/under, number of times Woods says "privacy": 25

Odds Woods wears Alex Rodriguez good boy sweater: 2-1

Odds Elin Nordegren sits next to Woods: 100-1

Odds Phil Knight sits next to Woods: 5-1

Odds TMZ reporter sneaks into press conference, then defies no questions policy: Even

Odds Steve Williams throws TMZ reporter into nearby lake: 1-2

Over/under, number of times Woods acknowledges fans: 7

Over/under, number of times Woods acknowledges sponsors: 21

Odds Radar Online posts separate news stories about Woods wearing/not wearing wedding ring, holding/not holding coffee cup: 1-10

Odds Woods buys everyone in attendance a new boat: 1,000-1

Odds Annie Leibovitz serves as pool photographer: 10,000-1

Odds photograph of Ernie Els jogging at concurrent match play championship attracts more attention: Infinity-1