Wrapping up Page 2's Vancouver Pick 'Em group

Fri, Feb 26
7:42
PM ET

It's just about time to say our final farewell to Page 2's Vancouver Pick 'Em group. Originally, I planned on coming here to bury Matt Simonetta -- not to praise him.

Yeah, that didn't work out.

My plan to "own the podium" fell short. Forget about own, I couldn't even rent the podium. Every time I checked the standings this week the unavailability of "the podium" stared back at me like a hot new movie at the top of my Netflix queue screaming LONG WAIT in that annoying red font.

Still, while I never did catch the juggernaut that is Senor Simonetta (or my other made-up rival Lance Treadway) I learned that while there are no points for second place in the world of Page 2, there is some sweet justice in having your colleagues in your rearview mirror.

Yes, I'm talking about people like Toby Mergler, Kieran Darcy, Cam Martin, Thomas Neumann and Kurt Snibbe. Sorry I didn't keep track of you guys sooner -- I didn't have time to click over that many pages to see how you were wallowing in ignorant nothingness doing. And even Paul Lukas, who clearly heard I was entering and decided not to even make one pick.

So as I make my concession speech to Sir Matt Simonetta (that's right, I knighted him, you have a problem with that?) I also say go forth with honor and confidence as you head to a bar or club in the next few weeks and use the "Hey, I won the Page 2 Vancouver Pick 'Em group" pickup line. If you do, you will do it with all the respect I can muster. Oh, and you will die alone.

Thank you all for participating (except the people that beat me) and for living the Page 2 Olympic motto out loud -- Rested, Seated, Useless.

Farewell for now and remember, the numbers never lie -- so that means I am better than 99.6 percent of you.

God Bless America (except when they screwed up my picks).