Who are losers of Brett Favre's seismic decision?

Tue, Aug 3
12:44
PM ET

Brett Favre, according to reports, has told teammates he won't return to the Vikings. We won't believe it yet either, but indulge us while we pretend give him the benefit of the doubt.

There are plenty that will lose with Favre's "decision."

1. The kid in Hattiesburg, Miss., who cuts Favre's grass during the season. Someone has to find a new way to buy school clothes.

2. The suckers that are preparing to waive Favre in their fantasy leagues. Not so fun when he's holding you hostage, is it?

3. Tarvaris Jackson. His dreams of being an athletic Jim Sorgi just went down the drain.

4. Brad Childress. The chances of another ride in that Escalade just evaporated.

5. The starting quarterback at Oak Grove High School. The most popular man in town? The backup quarterback with a Super Bowl ring. Good luck, kid.

6. The receivers at Oak Grove High. What's worse: the swollen fingers from catching Favre's rockets? Or having to tell your hero thrice a week you'd rather go out with girls than play catch?

7. Adrian Peterson. More men in the box means more fumble recoverers.

8. Sidney Rice. No Favre, plus a looming lockout? Hope that next contract works out for you, brother.

9. The Pro Football Hall of Fame. This totally ruins their plan of inducting Favre and Aaron Rodgers together in 2025. Would've been cute.

10. Alex Rodriguez. As if it didn't already seem eternal, it's officially taken so long for him to hit No. 600 that Brett Favre retired first. Ouch.