True stories about athletes, their steroid allegations

Tue, Sep 7
5:08
PM ET

Tragically, there is still no Labor Day Telethon for OAS (Overtrained Athlete Syndrome), the heartbreaking condition that caused Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing to test positive for HCG, earning him a four-game suspension. Cushing, a former USC All-American, says he worked out so hard and for so long that when he stopped it caused a "testosterone imbalance" at the exact same time he was being tested.

Unfortunately, science won't be able to begin trying to find a cure for OAS anytime soon, as their Pyrex beakers are already overflowing with experiments concerning:

DEAD TWIN SYNDROME

Pro cyclist Tyler Hamilton said there was someone else's blood in his system because he had a twin who died in his mother's womb.

EVIL MASSEUSE SYNDROME

Sprinter Justin Gatlin said a vindictive masseuse rubbed steroid cream into his legs.

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