From the Department of It's Not an Outtake from "Old School," It's Real Life, we bring you the following update: Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee was arrested for public intoxication on Wednesday after police said he took a pre-dawn swim in a city canal -- what, sucking on a bar squeegee was too hygienic? -- and then allegedly told officers "I am drunk" as he attempted to explain ... why he was sopping wet.
On one hand, Page 2 would never condone irresponsible drinking, no matter how giggle-worthy the results; on the other, we're inviting McAfee to join these sports figures in our At Least They Weren't Driving Hall of Fame:
Former Michigan football coach was arrested at a Detroit-area restaurant in 1995 after he: (A) banged drink glasses so hard against a table that they broke; (B) sang loudly with the band and tried to dance with women who were strangers; (C) told a waitress who served him as many as eight drinks that she was "beautiful," then tried to hold her at his table; (D) tried to pick a fight with another diner; (E) badmouthed his wife -- who already had left to protest his drinking -- to police; (F) cursed and shoved police; (G) threw a lampshade at a manager who tried to get him to switch from alcohol to coffee. Gary, Gary, Gary: Don't you know the lampshade is supposed to go on your head? Aftermath: Moeller resigned from Michigan and was later sentenced to a $409 fine after pleading no contest to disorderly conduct and assault and battery.
While police were arresting the former NHL goalie at a Dallas hotel in 2000, an intoxicated Belfour offered officers "$1 billion" to let him go. Police report gives no indication if Belfour held pinky to mouth while making offer. Aftermath: Belfour was sentenced to two years' probation and a $3,000 fine.