There's nothing more fascinating than a man whose life is circling the drain mistaking it for a Six Flags ride. That's why, for me, the more Charlie Sheen the better.
Please, Mark Cuban, do a show with this man. Please, Warner Brothers, do "Major League 3" with this man. Please, Quiksilver, come out with a Charlie Sheen mercury surfboard.
If Sheen would come to sports next, we sportswriter trolls would send a stretch limo to his house just for the privilege of writing down the fireballs that come out of his mouth.
Then again, with just a little cutting and pasting, maybe we don't have to wait.
"I exposed people to things they would never see in their normal lives." -- Brett Favre
"A little more, little more, add some gold. Bingo! I'm here to collect." -- Albert Pujols
"I have tiger blood, man." -- Tony Parker
"I finally extracted myself from their troll hole. -- Carmelo Anthony
"Know that I'm better solo. I invented solo." -- LeBron James