Lenny Dykstra inspires 'Shawshank Redemption 2'

Tue, Mar 6
1:19
PM ET
The Shawshank RedemptionCastle Rock Entertainment"The Shawshank Redemption" is a brilliant piece of cinema, and Lenny Dykstra should inspire a sequel.

"The Shawshank Redemption" is one of the finest major studio movies of the past 20 years. Yet, sadly, there has yet to be a sequel.

That is all about to change.

Below is my outline for a follow-up to the original Shawshank. I can flesh out the entire screenplay in a few hours. But first a studio will need to deposit $1 million in my bank account. I won't have to wait long. Hollywood will badly want to make "Shawshank 2: The Dykstra-ing."

Scene 1
Former All-Star Lenny Dykstra is sentenced to three years in prison after pleading no contest to grand theft auto and providing a false financial statement.

Scene 2
Originally assigned to work at the prison laundry, Dykstra is reassigned after the warden hears that CNBC host Jim Cramer once referred to Dykstra as "one of the great ones in [the investment] business." Dykstra begins handling the warden's personal finances.

Scene 3
Dykstra makes initial profits for the warden and also starts handling the finances of some of the guards. After a day's work tarring a hot roof in the brutal sun, the mean chief guard even rewards Dykstra and his friends by giving them chewing tobacco and steroids.

Scene 4
Despite the initial profits, Dykstra's financial maneuverings quickly leave the warden broke. The ex-ballplayer's release date is approaching, but the warden is furious and does not want to free the man who financially ruined him. Dykstra, fearing the warden will frame him for another crime to keep him incarcerated, devises a plan to escape.

Scene 5
Late one night, the warden goes to Dykstra's cell to taunt him about the Mets. Only the cell is empty. A full search of the facility is conducted, but there is no trace of the former outfielder. Standing in the empty cell, the warden hurls one of Dykstra's empty Skoal containers at a large poster of Suze Orman hanging on the wall. Instead of bouncing to the ground, the container tears right through the poster. The warden and guards discover Dykstra had tunneled out of the wall behind the poster, digging the entire passageway with a syringe.

Scene 6
Free on the outside, Dykstra travels to meet his old teammate Darren Daulton to live on a different plane of existence.

The End.

It's box office gold. I await your call, Hollywood.

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