Time is running out to buy your Mega Millions ticket for Friday's $640 million jackpot. Just remember, you have to split it with the 100 million people on Twitter who've already announced that they've definitely bought the winning ticket.
But before you max out the credit card for the final time celebrating your good fortune, let's have a moment of silence for the eight states that don't participate in the drawing.
Yes, it's inevitable that our office pool will beat the 1-in-175 million odds. But to have zero chance of winning? That's worse than 1-in-176 million odds.
You're missing out, Alabama, Alaska, Florida, Hawaii, Mississippi, Nevada, Utah and Wyoming! Don't you have dreams of the instant satisfaction lottery loot can bring?
Alabama: You could have built a 100-foot-tall statue of Nick Saban that would have been the envy of your trailer park!
Alaska: Your bridges to nowhere would finally have the cash to be extended to somewhere!
Florida: You miss out on access to the South Beach VIP rooms to rub elbows with the Miami Heat when they win the NBA Finals! (But think how much money you'll save on champagne if they choke again.)
Hawaii: You already won the lottery if you live in Hawaii.
Mississippi: Rich Rebels fans in Oxford already put chandeliers in their tailgating tents. You would have been able to build a tailgating tent out of chandeliers! Ooh, shiny!
Nevada: You would have been able to build a replica of a casino that builds replicas of other famous places.
Utah: You could build a ski slope that takes you directly to your Jazz luxury box.
Wyoming: You could be the T. Boone Pickens of Wyoming Cowboys football! Look how much money he spent to get the Oklahoma State Cowboys on the good side of the BCS computers. Well, maybe if Pickens wins the Mega Millions, he can afford to bridge that final gap.