It wasn't too long ago that Page 2 created an eBay auction with hopes of matching the Dodgers up with the right ownership group. Now that Magic Johnson and his crew have signed on for a mind-boggling $2 billion, it goes without saying that Frank McCourt and the Dodgers organization owe us a huge thank you for making such a convincing sales pitch.
But we're not finished yet. We want the man who ran "Showtime" to have just as much success running the Dodgers. With that in mind, we've put together a short list of tips to help him hit a "home run" -- baseball term, for the hoops fans out there -- with his new team. So take notes, Magic, because it's not going to be easy.
• With attendance down in 2011, you'll need to do anything you can to boost ticket sales. Step 1 should be replacing the entire lineup with Harvard grads named Jeremy and possibly the Dave Matthews Band.
• Ask the Angels to borrow Albert Pujols every once in a while.
• Encourage Larry Bird to buy a team in order to resuscitate the legendary rivalry that ignited when Larry was offered a role in "Space Jam" and you weren't.
• If you want to attract an entirely new type of fan, try changing your last name to "The Gathering."
• Remember: Owning the team doesn't mean you own the players, so at the end of the day you're going to have to hand them over to their many sponsors.
• When you inevitably meet Tommy Lasorda, the Pillsbury belly poke is going to be pretty hard to resist. But don't do it. It's about respect.
• If he's playing well, be sure to treat Clayton Kershaw with a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's from time to time.
• Even though you're known for your smile, it's a well-known fact that owners aren't allowed to make any outward expressions of joy. Well, there's one exception.
• If you're ever offered a ride in a time machine, go back in time and reduce your offer by a billion dollars or so.