June 18, 2004
David Duval:
A first-round 83 was never so roundly supported. But now stop coddling him and expect a little more. This is the PGA, not a support group.
The Lead Item
Two Words For You:

Who had "less than a month" in the office pool?

That "Bachelor" Jesse Palmer and contrived TV girlfriend Jessica B broke up so soon after the show's finale is almost as predictable as Palmer's impending release from the Giants.

More obvs impending break-ups:

Phil from the Lakers.
Shaq from the Lakers.
Kobe from the Lakers.
Anyone else from the Lakers?

Say this for sports over reality-TV romance: At least contracts require even the most awkward relationship (Payton and the Lakers?) to continue -- at least make Jesse B force a trade or something.

Our pop-culture fascination with romance may be bottomless, but at some point, people will simply stop investing themselves in relationships they know aren't going to work out.

Laker fans may already be there.

Lakers Watch
Explaining references above:

Kobe: GM Kupchak says they'll never do a "sign-and-trade." So they're going to let him walk away for nothing?
Fate: He would walk.

Phil: Team to decide as early as Friday. Oh, right: Phil loves when others have the appearance of control.
Fate: As good as gone.

Shaq: Lakers willing to trade if he forces them into it (and losing Phil might trigger that). Do it, LA: We dare you!
Fate: Ironic return to ORL?

Emmitt Smith: No. 1?
New Cardinals coach Dennis Green must think it's 1994, because he installed Emmitt Smith as the team's top RB.

David Roesch: No-name golfer shoots -2 on US Open Day 1
Marion Jones: Lawyers reveal she passed lie detector test
Lawrence Frank: Doogie drops "interim" tag; Nets hire F/T
Rockies: Caught on wrong end of rare Coors shutout (Lowe)
Dom Hasek: Wants to play next season, just not in Detroit
Kansas hoops: Bill Self loses two transfers in one week
This only ends badly. Choose your own adventure:

Emmitt tanks as starter, or...
Green embarrassed when he demotes him.

U.S. Open
Nothing amps up golf's interest among the coveted 18-to-34 year-old demographic like an AARP-qualifying U.S. Open leader.

As Bill Parcells might say: "No disrespect" to Jay Haas, but the only people cheering are the aging sports columnists for whom this is a symbol of their continuing virility.

Even no-name David Roesch on the leaderboard is better: At least he's got the appealing Cinderella factor. Otherwise, there better be some weekend surges by at least one of the top studs.

NBA Draft In/Out
Will regret remaining in:
Delonte West: Lottery...in '05

Made right move to drop out:
Ryan Gomes: Friars Final Four?

Delhomme's Payday
5-year, $38 million extension:
Ah, the knee-jerk payoff to a player coming off his best season ever: And people accuse me of practicing Instant History....

In this case, it resembles payment for past services rendered, because the chances he gets them back to the Super Bowl in these next five years are slim-to-none.

Dodgeball Mania
It's the new Poker!

Between the new movie opening today and the TV show later this summer, Dodgeball's 15 minutes of relevance starts ... now.

Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak:
There are very few winning scenarios here: No Phil? So Shaq leaves? Kobe bolts anyway? Stuck with bratty Payton, gimpy Mailman? Not pretty.
Today on ESPN.com
P2: Poker -- sport or not?
Golf: U.S. Open coverage
NBA Draft preview
Weekend Movie Guide
The Terminal
Anything Hanks is worthy
I'll Sleep When ...
Clive Owen rules. Period.
Super-Size Me
New to your town? Must-see!
Okay, I'll check it out
"80 Days"
Around the World? (Pass.)

Another Laker rumor: Marv Albert moving from beloved NY to rival LA? Yes?! No!! (Lakers denying) ...

Break up the Cubs! Chicago wins its 6th straight, and in sweeping the Astros, the Cubs pitchers had a 2.25 ERA. Nasty ...

The Magic want to keep T-Mac, buuuut... if the Suns, Pacers or Clippers wanted to make a sweet offer, I'm sure Orlando might listen ...

C U L8R, Ko B: Will access to Kobe's accuser's text messages help or hurt Bryant's defense? ...

You can mock Darko for breaking his hand in the two seconds he played in Game 5, but that ring will make it feel much better ...

Jersey Watch: Huge thumbs-up to the Memphis Grizzlies for their new uniforms; now all they need is that one guy to wear No. 8 ...

Forget parties or clubs: The hottest invite going is for Google's "G-Mail"; so which Quickie reader is going to hook me up? ...

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