Nov. 21, 2003
Dr. Seuss:
In honor of movie opening
Remake of "Cat in the Hat"
Entire Quickie in Seuss rhyme
Ever read a column like that?

The Lead Item
Two Words For You:

Don't speak of Big 10 titles
When Mich. hosts Ohio State
Don't mention huge rivalries
Not with BCS bids to debate

Mutual loathing makes it fun
But stakes are high enough:
If UM wins, smell those Roses
OSU W increases their BCS buff

Ignore Buckeyes' BCS rivals?
That would surely be remiss:
As USC whups crosstown UCLA,
LSU gets L at charmed Ole Miss

Rivalry games: Fun for alums,
But at top of the BCS poll:
They're just 1 game of many.
Just one matters: Sugar Bowl

TCU Shocked
TCU finally lost their first:
Sigh of relief from the BCS:
In front of ESPN audience,
So. Miss solved the TCU mess

No more talk: "Crashing party"
No more talk: "New Year's Day"
And in irony of their season:
'Strength of sked' did betray

NFL Week 12 Subplots
Game of the Week:
8-2 Carolina at 7-3 Dallas
For control (hunh?) of NFC?
'Boys reeling from a shutout,
Fear that Panthers' awesome D

Bengals Watch:
Who thought we would witness
Those Bengals in first place?
Huge mo' versus the Chargers,
Cincy still on playoff pace!

Survive and advance:
On the postseason bubble,
Niners vs. Pack: Both at 5-5;
Each really needs that W
To keep playoff hopes alive

1 CFB has its Rivalry Weekend: Bet OSU-Mich has freak end
2 NFL: Who'd've guessed? Cats, 'Boys battle as NFC's best
3 NHL not more of the same: First-time-ever Outdoor Game
1 Return of Falcons QB Vick: Ankle sprain? ATL slapstick!
2 Sorry Magic lose again: New coach? No diff: Now, then
3 BCS wannabes w/TCU loss: BCS cabal remains CFB big hoss
Fashion alert:
Orange Dolphins jerseys?
Better hope their team wins;
Garish new color ups pressure
No, wait: They play the 'Skins

'Roids Update:
Holding breath, NFL tested
1000 random samples of pee,
Gotta be pleased to announce
All came up negative for THG.

Kenyon vs. 'Zo
What a clash of NJ titans!
Practice fight: Kenyon vs. 'Zo
Both are sure loud, outspoken
How'd it come to toe-to-toe?

Mourning yelled at teammates,
Martin ripped him right back
Zo zinged Kenyon on his ankle
K-Mart made a "kidney" crack.

'Zo simmered for a minute
Then rushed to jump his foe.
Teammates restrained 'em both
For the '03 Nets: How apropos

NHL Goes Outdoors
Give the NHL lots of credit,
They deserve much acclaim.
Trying something so unique:
The league's 1st "Outdoor Game"

Classic rivalry: Habs-Oilers
Bundle up, would you please?
Price to watch this novelty:
Gametime forecast: 15 degrees

More Keyshawn
Not that hard to predict it:
Keyshawn's heading for TV.
He can rip on teams for pay,
Instead of doing it for free.

Michael Jackson:
Jacko played "hide,"
Police went "seek,"
His mug shot truly;
Screams out "freak."

Today on
P2: Sports Guy on his fantasy draft
IN: Is A-Rod leaving on a raft?
NFL: Will Parcells prove a master of his craft?
Ranking Dr. Seuss Books:
Green Eggs & Ham
Cassell ain't only Sam I Am
Cat in the Hat
Panthers 8-2, how 'bout that
Needed rhyme w/Jen Finch
The Lorax
Kenyon, 'Zo need to relax
Hop on Pop
BCS-bashing nearing stop

Need hints on office
NFL-pool questions?
Here are my sketchy
Week 12 suggestions:

Min, Sea, Ind, Ten
Car, Cle, Cin, Den
NYJ, NE, Phi, GB
STL, KC, Mia, TB

Emmitt's record ball
To give to your kids?
Mere $10K is floor
Of its auction bids.

That fired Mets exec,
Chutzpah to try it:
Blaming slurred words
On his Atkins Diet!

Expos/MLB near deal
What to call "home"?
"At San Juan" reads
More like "roam"

The ex-Magic coach
Landed on his feet:
Doc's ABC analysis
w/Al, pair complete.

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