Commentary

Top 10 hints you're not in playing shape

Updated: August 4, 2011, 12:34 AM ET
By Jerry Greene | Special to Page 2

Unfortunately our work was not done in time to help former Minnesota Vikings offensive lineman Bryant McKinnie, who was cut this week. Reportedly, his weight played a large role in the decision.

Like all other NFL players, McKinnie was locked out during the summer-long labor dispute, meaning he could not stay in touch with coaches and trainers nor work at the team's facilities. Unlike most other NFL players, what McKinnie did do during the summer was tweet about his potential music career and his life in South Beach.

McKinnie took his talents to South Beach, and at least for now, he's staying there. So this week's reader-generated list -- Top 10 Hints You're Not in Playing Shape -- might have been a warning.

The rest of you jumped all over this one, responding enthusiastically to our call for hints.

Those who know me were amused that I would be compiling this list. It is true that I have had to withdraw from athletic events twice for pulling a hammy -- the first time while bowling and the second time while shooting a free throw.

Hey, it's not easy being athletic.

Also, a lot of the same names of athletes and coaches kept appearing -- including Prince Fielder. Not sure what he has to do with this football list, but a lot of you thought of him.

Top 10 Hints You're Not in Playing Shape

10. "The Fathead on your bedroom wall is of Joey Chestnut," said David M. of Ashburn, Va.

9. "Teammates say they still remember your work as Jabba the Hutt in 'Return of the Jedi,'" said Kevin H. of Buffalo Grove, Ill.

8. "After 'Dancing With The Stars' dumped you, 'Biggest Loser' picked up your option," said J. Herb of Hatboro, Pa.

7. "Your butt has been given its own zip code," said Jack F. of Falls Church, Va.

6. "You're a Bengal and you can't outrun the cops," said Janice H. of Palo Alto, Calif.

5. "After a round of wind sprints, you smell fajitas cooking -- but then realize it's you," said Ken J. of Richardson, Ky.

4. "Your cholesterol level reading is 'butter,'" said Justin D. of Fort Worth, Texas.

3. "You get winded looking at a picture of bacon," said Casey M. of Columbia, S.C.

2. "You're sunning on the beach and Green Peace tries to put you back into the ocean," said Brian V. of Pleasantville, N.J.

1. "At the team physical you are pronounced dead," said Matt L. of Arlington, Va.

This was a particularly good week so here are a few more that just missed because of my arbitrary decision-making:

• "Your workout partner is JaMarcus Russell," said Craig D. of New York City.

• "You show up at camp with beer-cup holders on your helmet," said Hartley A. of Richmond Hill, Ontario.

• "After just jogging your memory, you need a water break," said Buddy C. of Halfmoon, N.Y.

• "You send a Twitter update -- and you're out of breath," said Paul D. of Courtice, Ontario.

• "Rex Ryan gets lost behind you," said Barrett B. of Fort Worth.

Good work. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a nap.

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