Commentary

Jerry Jones inspires Dallas quotes quiz

Originally Published: September 14, 2011
By Patrick Dorsey | Special to Page 2

Jerry Jones/Tony RomoTim Heitman/US PresswireJerry Jones is always the go-to guy for newsworthy Cowboys quotes, and he usually delivers.

He said what?

Jerry Jones said Tony Romo's performance Sunday ... was "outstanding?" "One of the best games I've ever seen him play"?

Oh, but that's just Jerry being Jerry -- one of Dallas' more outspoken characters since the area became the Metroplex.

But he isn't the only one. Mavericks owner Mark Cuban never shies away from talking (except when his team is winning an NBA championship). And over in TV land, Jones' fellow oil man J.R. Ewing of "Dallas" hardly held his tongue, and his reckless ways eventually got him (and, later, Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons") shot.

So, all that considered, it's time for a quiz. Can you pick which of the three said the following?


1. "I don't lay up. I hit across the water to get to the green. And that's risk-taking. And so, when it misses it can miss looking bad."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


2. "You don't come after dogs, you don't come after kids and you don't come after The Hair."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


3. "Anything worth having is worth going for, all the way."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


4. "You're overmatched. I hope you've got your game face on."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


5. "We're down to circumcising mosquitoes."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


6. "They told me they have no interest in selling."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


7. "If [name redacted] put two and two together, he'd get three."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


8. "That's what happens when you own someone. They can't get you out of their head, and they don't often think, speak or act rationally."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


9. "I wouldn't hire him to manage a Dairy Queen."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing

10. "All that matters is winning."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban

c) J.R. Ewing


Bonus No. 1: "You provide Heather Graham, I will provide the roller skates."

a) Jerry Jones

b) Mark Cuban


Bonus No. 2: "The day I start living by the rules my wife set for me will be the one when the Dallas Cowboys make it to the Super Bowl."

a) Jerry Jones

b) J.R. Ewing


Answer key: 1, a; 2, b; 3, c; 4, a (but from the movie "Dallas: War of the Ewings"!; 5, a; 6, b; 7, c; 8, b; 9, b; 10, c; Bonus No. 1, b; Bonus No. 2, b.


Rating guide:

10-12 correct answers: Hot dog! You should get your own "Dallas" spinoff show.

7-9 correct answers: Like Romo in quarters 1-3.

5-6 correct answers: A decent player with flashes of brilliance. Think J.J. Barea.

3-4 correct answers: Not shameful, but more Brian Cardinal than Dirk.

0-2 correct answers: In the words of J.R.: "Boy, you're just one dumb ole cowboy, ain't you?"

Page 2 editor Dave Wilson contributed to this piece.

Patrick Dorsey is a writer based in South Florida and a regular contributor to Page 2. He can be reached at bypatrickdorsey@gmail.com.

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Patrick Dorsey is a Los Angeles-based writer and editor for ESPN.com. He has worked for the Web and newspapers. He also played in one Division-III golf tournament (he shot 105).