Clues sports in Boston are doomed

Updated: September 29, 2011, 12:57 PM ET
By Jerry Greene | Special to Page 2

By our watch, Baltimore's tying run in the bottom of the ninth crossed the plate exactly at midnight. For Boston Fan, it doesn't get more symbolic than that. And a couple minutes later, the Orioles' winning run slid home.

Hear the bell toll, Boston Fan? The bell tolls for thee.

Of course there was still a flicker of hope for the free-falling Boston Red Sox despite their 20th loss in September. In St. Petersburg, the Tampa Bay Rays were deadlocked in a bizarre 7-7 tie with the New York Yankees. Yes, the Red Sox were reduced to praying that the hated Yankees would save their bacon.

But Boston Fan knew that they couldn't count on the Yankees any more than hoping pigs would fly. Moments after the Red Sox lost, the Rays won on a line-drive home run by Evan Longoria to steal the American League wild-card playoff berth from the Sox.

Friends, this is one of those times when our imaginations cannot touch reality. Boston Sports truly is doomed. Here are our reader-generated clues, although we can't match the real clues we saw in Baltimore and St. Pete. Nonetheless, the list:

Top 10 Clues Boston Sports Are Doomed

10. "Boston sports fans are still talking about two seasons: Winter and Construction," said Fred M. of Boston.

9. "The Patriots admit that they peaked during the lockout," said Massawar A. of Queens, New York City.

8. "Boston College awaits official word on when it will become the 14th-worst team in the ACC," said Shawn H. of Las Vegas.

7. "Chad Ochocinco demands to be traded to the Cincinnati Bengals," said Greg W. of Windham, Conn.

6. "LeBron James decides to take his talents to central Boston," said Nathan L. of Dallas. (Note that a guy from Dallas considers getting LeBron is a clue you're doomed.)

5. "Boston sports fans' swear jars are wicked full," said Chris H. of Pickerington, Ohio. (If you don't remember the banned but beloved Bud Light "swear jar" commercial, Google it.)

4. "Bill Belichick can't figure out how to get all his VHS tapes converted to a DVD format," said Barrett B. of Fort Worth.

3. "Cubs fans are sending sympathy notes," said Janice H. of Palo Alto, Calif. (But now they may send the goat.)

2. "Tom Brady is starting to play (and look) like Brett Favre," said Tommy K. of Bowling Green, Ohio. (Yes! The Favre streak continues!)

1. "This message from @kevin_Garnett: 'Anything is not possible. I was wrong. Sorry.'" said Ben M. of Peoria, Ill.

In conclusion, a fast-reacting reader wondered if our next list would be the reasons Atlanta Sports is doomed, noting that "this could be the worst stretch for Atlanta without Gen. Sherman being involved."

Does that make you feel better, Boston Fan?

Yeah, we didn't think so.

Jerry Greene is a regular contributor to and can be reached at

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