Commentary

The big cheese talks NachoTron 3000

Originally Published: November 16, 2011
By Dave Wilson | Page 2

NachoTron 3000Mission Foods The NachoTron 3000 will be unveiled on Nov. 26 to the delight of nacho enthusiasts.

This year's Border War between Kansas and Missouri has higher stakes than ever.

With Missouri set to bolt the Big 12 for the SEC, Jayhawks and Tigers fans are hoping for bragging rights in the last football game the two teams will play in the foreseeable future.

But more importantly, the Nov. 26 game in Kansas City, Mo., will feature the historic debut of the NachoTron 3000, "the world's first interactive, competitive nacho-making machine."

Mission Foods is using NachoTron 3000 to promote its products, which include Missouri- and Kansas-themed tortilla chips in grocery stores distributed in the Kansas City market.

Page 2 knows you've got questions about this sophisticated technology, so we've secured an exclusive email interview with the mysterious Dr. Eduardo Hernandez Smith, a scientist for the NachoTron project.

(We suspect that Dr. Smith is using a pseudonym, which makes perfect sense considering the sensitive knowledge of the precious technology involved.)

Page 2: What kind of time frame went into developing something as important to humanity as the NachoTron?

Seven and a half years ago Mission laboratories assembled a team of the greatest minds in the world. Physicists. Engineers. Mathematicians. This assemblage of brainpower could have been used to solve the world's energy crisis, create world peace or even to discover a new solar system. Instead, they invented the world's first interactive, competitive nacho-making machine.

When did you know you finally had it dialed in?

July 15, 2009, 4:32 p.m., Central Standard Time

What are you doing to prevent this sophisticated technology from falling into the wrong hands?

Can a soft and cuddly puppy fall into the wrong hands? Can the gentle caress of a long-lost lover fall into the wrong hands? Can a nacho supercomputer bring too much joy and queso to football fans? No. It cannot.

What's the deal with salsa, which is in the fourth of five spots, being so difficult to attain in the NachoTron?

This should answer your question:




Do you think there are specific strengths that the Kansas and Missouri fan bases have that are geared toward competitive nacho-making?

Certainly. For starters, both fan bases have their very own authentic, NachoTron-approved tortilla chips from Mission. So that's a huge advantage when it comes to competitive nacho-making. The Kansas Blue chips are made with the audio of the Jayhawks' 2008 upset playing on a loop in the background. The Missouri Black chips are fanned out during the baking process in a distinct pattern that mimics the Tigers' spread offense.

Does the NT3K have a permanent home?

In a storage facility in Akron, Ohio.

Will the NachoTron 3000 be making any future stops?

We have our eye on Sweden.

Could a guacamole dunk tank be too far in the future?

As we've proven with the NT 3000, anything's possible. Except time-traveling nachos. Those are impossible. We tried.

Dave Wilson is an editor for Page 2.

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Dave Wilson is a college football editor for ESPN.com. He joined ESPN.com in 2010 and previously worked at The Dallas Morning News, San Diego Union-Tribune and Las Vegas Sun.