Commentary

We remake '3 Stooges' as athletes

Updated: April 15, 2012, 8:48 AM ET
By Jerry Greene | Page 2

Dwyane Wade and LeBron JamesMike Coppola/Getty ImagesIt's Dwyane Wade and LeBron James in a remake of "Three Stooges"? Who is Moe? Read below.

"Nyuk-nyuk."

Always wanted to start a column that way and never thought the opportunity would arise, but the recreation of "The Three Stooges" has presented the chance. Not sure how well the movie will do as the critics are being unkind. But if it does poorly, the main reason could be obvious:

Poor casting.

Nothing against the actors chosen but they are not exactly celebrities even though "Larry, Curly and Moe" are running away with the last Page 2 poll of picking your favorite "Big Three." What we should have polled is who would you have hired from the world of sports to portray the stooges? Here are a few suggestions:

• LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and, no, not Chris Bosh, but Pat Riley, who would be a natural as Moe.

• Rex Ryan, Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow. (Don't get outraged, Tebowites, 'cause he'd probably love it.)

• Stan Van Gundy, Dwight Howard and Jeff Van Gundy. (I'd pay to see this version.)

• John Daly, John Daly and John Daly.

And in all these versions, a special cameo appearance by Charles Barkley as Shemp. Hey, he's playing a good-looking woman in a commercial so who says he can't handle being the forgotten Stooge?

And while you are choosing your favorite Stooges and our literary superstars are putting the finishing touches on what will be known as The Final Sunday Brunch, here are a few bits of tid to chew upon:

• Sure-fire cure for the early-season blues of baseball fans in Boston, Cleveland, Miami, Chicago, San Francisco, San Diego and any other city of woe: Repeat after me -- "I don't live in Pittsburgh, I don't live in Pittsburgh, I don't … "

• Did you see Brian Gay's caddie, Kip Henley, take on a huge alligator during the RBC Heritage tournament? Somewhere there is a cable TV producer watching that and thinking "Reality series!"

• Quote of the Week from South Carolina Coach Steve Spurrier about his club's game with Georgia moving from Week 2 to Week 6 this season: "I don't know. I sort of always liked playing them that second game because you could always count on them having two or three key players suspended." -- The Ol' Ball Coach is back.

• How long will it take for Mike Tyson to claim he's been misquoted in the show that opened in the Vegas' MGM Grand Hotel called "Mike Tyson, Undisputed Truth?" Of course, it stars Mike Tyson.

• The London Olympic Games got clever and invited Who drummer Keith Moon to make a special appearance. Unfortunately he is currently dead and has been in that inactive state since 1978.

Now, while the Olympic Games wonder why Moon is not returning their calls, let's get to the main dishes in this Final Sunday Brunch:

• We open with a story about Vin Scully as told by T.J. Simers of The Los Angeles Times. It's a good example of why we should cherish every moment of Scully's love affair with baseball. Find out just a little more about Scully -- such as why he once pretended to be Gil Hodges -- here.

• Got to believe almost all baseball fans revere Scully but what about Fenway Park, celebrating its 100th birthday? Michael Silverman of the Boston Herald provides information on how and why it came to be along with links to numerous other stories about the hallowed grounds, whether you think of it as "iconic" or "dump" or a mixture of both. Find out much more here.

• We love to take you places you might not consider visiting on your own. So let's travel to The Rolling Stone to find out what various musicians think should be done to make baseball a better game. Bet they have better ideas than you might think. Check it out here.

• Next we take a less loving look at Donald Trump as researched by Linda Robinson of The Miami Herald. Trump is building a super golf course in Scotland and says he has super plans for the Doral courses in Miami, but there is at least one film that warns everyone to beware of anything Trump does. Brilliant, bully or both? You decide here.

• We close with a fine column by Gary Shelton of the Tampa Bay Times. A week doesn't go by without an apology by someone in sports. Shelton has had it. He accepts none of them. Nada. You name the apologist and Shelton says it's too little and too late. See if you agree here.

Friends, as mentioned earlier, this is the Final Sunday Brunch because this is the final day for Page 2. Perhaps it may appear in "another configuration" but, regardless, my thanks to you for stopping by for some sports writing snacks all these previous Sundays. It has been my honor to be your maitre' d and I hope to see you again even though I have only one configuration: Round.

Have a great Sunday and a great future.

Jerry Greene is a regular contributor to ESPN.com and can be reached at osogreene@aol.com.

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