It's 'Athletic Idol' ... try not to cringe
Editor's note: All week long, Page 2 asks for your votes to determine the winner of "Athletic Idol." Welcome to the second round. The winner will be selected Friday.
This week marks the culmination of the eighth season of "American Idol," with millions of viewers anxiously awaiting Wednesday's showdown between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen.
But isn't it time the sports world had its own version of the popular talent show? It's time for "Athletic Idol," in which Page 2 scours the Internet in search of the most cringe-worthy musical effort by a sports figure.
Keep in mind that we're searching for the most ill-advised, grotesquely conceived, hilariously bad ideas in the history of sports and music. Legitimate musicians, such as Bernie Williams and Tim Flannery, are not part of this competition.
We do have some constraints here. First, the song must be available on the Web. Second, no profanity or risqué images.
Did we miss your favorite athlete's failed foray into the music business? Post your suggestions to the conversation pages below, and perhaps your nominee will make the cut for Season 2 of "Athletic Idol."
We started with 12 contestants. Here are the eight who advanced to the second round:
1. 1986 Los Angeles Dodgers: "Baseball Boogie"
History will show that satin jackets and tight pants were a bigger problem for sports than drugs were in the '80s. It takes 25 seconds for the music to begin, but it's worth the wait.
2. 1985 Chicago Bears: "Super Bowl Shuffle"
In the gold standard for campy sports music classics, Mike Singletary actually keeps his pants on for the duration of the video. Well done.
3. Carl Lewis: "Break It Up"
What could Terrell Owens have done to make his driveway crunches even more ridiculous? He could have taken a page from Carl Lewis and added uber-cheesy '80s music and hooked up someone who looks like Mrs. McCluskey from "Desperate Housewives."
4. Tony Romo and Metal Skool: "Don't Stop Believin'"
Why didn't the producers of "The Sopranos" use this version to close out the series? (That's a rhetorical question.)
5. Terry Bradshaw: "The Last Word In Lonesome Is Me"
If the Supreme Court ever hears the case "Page 2 v. the 1970s," this will be Exhibit A in our argument to have the entire decade stricken from the record.
6. Shaquille O'Neal: "I'm Outstanding"
According to this song, Shaq was born, got big and strong and then played basketball. So if you ever wanted to hear his Wikipedia page set to some dope rhymes, you're in luck.
7. Kobe Bryant with Tyra Banks: "K.O.B.E."
We're not going to say exactly how we felt when watching this, but let's just say Kobe owes each of us a huge purple diamond ring.
8. Bruce Pearl: "It's Great To Be A Tennessee Vol"
This video forced the National Association of Basketball Coaches to add Article 4, Section 9b to its bylaws: "Friends don't let friends go shirtless in public."