Single page view By Tim Keown
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Quite a week -- accusations of racism in the clubhouse, a victory for academia in Cincinnati, those pesky French contrarians …

… and, of course, the return of an old favorite: high-stakes milk-drinking.

This Week's List
Apparently, the words "Take a small portion of your stolen millions and hire a driver" mean about as much to this guy as "I think you've had enough": Sidney Ponson, drunk again, driving again.

He's probably never even heard of Larue Martin: Alex Smith, who has raised eyebrows with his inability to do much of anything through the 49ers' first three exhibition games.

Oh, so you think it's easy to think up insightful gags like that?: The Marlins' bat boy got a milk deal out of being unable to drink -- and keep down -- a gallon of milk in one hour, so the least Brad Penny should get is a guest-hosting gig on "Fear Factor."

Watching all those 12-year-olds throw hard breaking balls in the Little League World Series should have taught parents one hard lesson: It's never too early to pressure your kids into becoming orthopedic surgeons.

Johan Santana
Johan Santana is practically unhittable at times.

The two hottest pitchers in baseball, and they do most of their damage with changeups: Johan Santana, Noah Lowry.

Three comments you're bound to hear if you find yourself listening to sports talk radio during a time of natural disaster or other tragic event: 1) "Well, it's times like these that sure put sports in the proper perspective"; 2) "It's kind of hard to talk about fun and games during a time like this"; 3) "Our thoughts and prayers go out to everybody battling this, and now to talk about the Bears' final preseason game … "

There's only one word sufficient to describe Mike Shanahan's belief that he could make Maurice Clarett into another in the long line of productive Broncos runners: Hubris.

Think about it -- they were going to hand over more than $400,000 to someone who couldn't beat out Ron Dayne: Clarett's own hubris caused him to turn down a $410,000 signing bonus from the Broncos in favor of an incentive-laden contract.

It's enough to make you pine for the geographically precise days when the Atlanta Braves were in the National League West: Hawaii, competing as the Northwest U.S. representative in the Little League World Series.

Radical idea put forth by sports radio host and occasional TV talker Tom Tolbert: If the powers in college football truly want expert opinions on where teams should be ranked, they should consult the people whose livelihood truly depends on it -- Vegas oddsmakers.

"Urine here! Get yer 6-year-old urine!": The hand-wringers who bemoaned the lack of pre-BALCO investigative reporting on steroids in baseball -- writers included -- need look no further than the reaction to L'Equipe's Lance Armstrong investigation to see how difficult it is to strong-arm public opinion when your main contention can be neither proven nor denied.

If Lance is guilty, it'll shake an honest society to its core: In New York, six people pleaded guilty to making and selling fake LiveStrong bands.



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