Spare us your details, Brett

Originally Published: July 28, 2009
By Tim Keown | Page 2

Brett FavreAP Photo/Rogelio V. SolisBrett Favre's inability to make a decision has slowly transformed him from legend to forgettable.

Brett Favre finally made it. He has exceeded our capacity for interest and entered the realm of the unredeemable. After all these years, he's become irrelevant.

We really don't care anymore. We don't care about the indecisiveness or whether it has a negative effect on the psyches of Sage Rosenfels or Tarvaris Jackson. In short, we've seen this before, and there's nothing to see here.

The countdown to whatever day Favre decides his Vikings or non-Vikings fate -- supposedly Thursday, but that might change if he decides he doesn't want to be in the dorms that night -- is mostly nonexistent. We have read the testimonies of John Elway and Joe Montana, who helpfully noted that Favre should keep playing if Favre wants to keep playing. Fine. Play -- play all night and all day.

Just don't bother us with the details.

This time, there are no live televised updates on the flight path between Hattiesburg and Minneapolis. This time, there is no FAVRE category on the news crawl during "SportsCenter." There comes a time in every man's life -- and hey, 39 is severely post-adolescent -- when he has to start making the tough decisions and making them in a timely manner.

Otherwise, the feeling is pretty much this: Do what you want. After all, what do we care?

So much time and effort was expended on last year's indecisiveness, and what was the payoff? Twenty-two picks and 22 touchdowns in a non-playoff year for the Jets. The numbers speak for themselves. We don't waste nearly as much time on Jason Campbell, and he's throwing almost two touchdowns for every interception.

But Favre is Favre, and that means everyone is supposed to genuflect while wondering if he'll ever make us whole again. On Monday, Favre filmed a commercial for Sears and mocked his inability to make a decision. (Oh, how self-referential! Now we're all in on the joke.) In the ad, the clerk tells him about a new service the store is providing to help guys who have a difficult time making decisions.

"Yeah, I hate those guys," Favre says.

We aren't there yet, but the relative silence this time around indicates we're close. It's probably best not to push us.

This week's list

So here's an updated scouting report on Hank Aaron: Unbelievably quick wrists, strong hands, hard on steroid users, easy on those who gambled on the game.

There's really only one difference between Pete Rose and the steroid users: Rose's offenses were significantly worse.

Come on, man, you know the rules -- put on the yellow bracelet and shut your mouth: Tour de France champion Alberto Contador, who had an uneasy relationship with Astana teammate Lance Armstrong, came out Monday and told Spanish media that he never admired Armstrong and never will.

Just for the heck of it: Phil Roof.

I've got an idea -- why doesn't everybody in the entire organization spend six months in therapy and then get back to us? Mets general manager Omar Minaya diverted from prepared remarks in a press conference to announce the firing of Tony Bernazard -- a guy who challenged the organization's Double-A team to a fight and then had a major blowup with closer Francisco Rodriguez -- by accusing a New York Daily News reporter of lobbying for a job in the organization.

What is it they say about walking a mile in another man's shoes? Minaya apparently hasn't followed the fate of newspapers over the past few years, or else he would have come to the conclusion that the Daily News reporter was just being enterprising.

And not to wish ill on anybody, but here's a cool/cruel thought: Omar Minaya someday asking the reporter-turned-baseball man how to get back into baseball.

Because any real man knows the only way to get your message across is to write it on parchment, hand it to the man on the horse and tell him to head west: Joe Paterno held a news conference Monday to discuss his feelings on Twitter, which he described as "Twiddle-do or Twiddle-dee."

Compare and contrast: Michael Vick and Marvin Harrison.

That means he must have only met one of them: Buffalo quarterback Trent Edwards says he's just getting used to Terrell Owens' personality.

From an economic standpoint, there's a chance Ben Bernanke could find a few shades of hypocrisy in the decision: If Roger Goodell allows Michael Vick to play the final two preseason games and fans are charged the same ticket prices for preseason games as regular-season games, then why does Vick have to sit out at least the first five regular-season games?

And finally, at the risk of getting too broad here -- and too Goodell-friendly -- the next time you start thinking Michael Vick is being punished too severely by the NFL after already serving his time, try this exercise: Ask a less-famous job-seeker how easy it is to get hired when you have to mark the "Convicted Felon" box on the employment application.

ESPN The Magazine senior writer Tim Keown co-wrote Josh Hamilton's autobiography, "Beyond Belief: Finding the Strength to Come Back," which is available on Sound off to Tim here.

Tim Keown | email

ESPN Senior Writer