Where did he come from?: Damien Wilkins, Sonic savior.

Since he was being paid to watch that deadly swill of a team: How does Tony (I Can't Take It Anymore) Pena think the people who pay good money for a season ticket feel about the Royals?

Overplayed story of the week: LeBron James firing his agent and hiring his friend Maverick Carter to take over.

Why it was overplayed: As long as you're not the guy getting 4 percent of LeBron's take, or the guy thinking he should, why should you care who the man's agent is?

Just for the heck of it: Tank Black.

The last choice of the first round in 2003, the man was picked eight players after Boris Diaw, for heaven's sake: Josh Howard, proof that sometimes the scouts and GMs can be howlingly wrong.

Five words, many interpretations: When Duke's Shavlik Randolph declared early for the draft, Coach K said, "I support Shavlik 100 percent."

Oh, sure, you can appreciate the way the Pistons and Pacers play: But it's damned hard to like it.

Not to go all Tony Pena on you, but: I can't take it anymore with the Whizzinator jokes.

Mr. Cause, meet Mr. Effect: In the first year of semi-serious steroid testing in the big leagues, home runs are down roughly 9 percent so far.

Go ahead and laugh, wise guy, but you would have been the first one to blame the authorities if those dolls ended up being al Qaeda: Five thousand Tony Graziani bobbleheads that were scheduled to be given out to the AFL's Philadelphia Soul fans last Sunday didn't arrive on time because they were held up by U.S. Customs in Southern California.

And finally, it's mid-May, and there's only one burning question in the world of big-league baseball: Why hasn't Bruce Chen been traded yet?

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine.


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