CHRIS: Oh that's no problem. I won't do that. That's against my morals.

RACHEL: Really. So your qualifications are what?

CHRIS: Good-looking. Can't have gone to Duke.

RACHEL: You're a tough man. Hearts are breaking all over Durham. And judging from the next question, brains in the Bluegrass State aren't doing much better. Josh Prantall writes, "I'm the world's most die-hard Kentucky fan. Of course, everyone says that about their school, so I need to find a more serious way to show my devotion. I'm thinking of changing my first name to 'Wildcat,' but my mom is freaking out. How can I get her on board?"

CHRIS: Yeah, he's crazy.

RACHEL: Wildcat Prantall. No ring there, Josh. Give it up.

CHRIS: You need a hobby, man. Stamps, maybe.

RACHEL: Has anyone done anything weird like that for you? Named their baby after you or something?

CHRIS: Actually, this lady, she has a dog. And her dog's name is CP. And the most ironic part is that the dog has three legs. So it's CP3. I took a picture with it, too.

RACHEL: Wow. There are hundreds of kids in this country named after Michael Jordan, and you get a three-legged dog. What, the family rat already had a name?

CHRIS: Well, she's got another dog named Duncan.

RACHEL: No word as to how many dog legs Tim has earned.

All right, this is just as inane – when I pull the college questions, they only get weird. Thomas Ellis from Tampa writes, "Each year, my friend and I have a bet: Whoever's team goes further in the tournament wins. It's gotten pretty serious. One year, I had to paint my house Carolina blue. This year, the stakes are that whoever loses gets a mohawk. But I just found out my sister-in-law's wedding is the week after the Final Four, and now my wife says I have to back out of the bet."

CHRIS: You can't back out of a bet. If he loses, he needs to ask his brother-in-law if they can wear top hats or something.

RACHEL: A bet is a bet?

CHRIS: You can't back out. That's not right. It's top hats or bandanas for you, or you better hope your team takes care of business for you.

RACHEL: Skull cap in the wedding photo. Lovely.

All right, our last question each week: What's the best advice you have for the people out there?

CHRIS: You know what I can do really well? Make a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. You have to get wheat bread, and when you get the peanut butter, make sure it's the creamy kind, not the crunchy kind.

RACHEL: So that's your advice: Creamy not Crunchy?

CHRIS: Just in general. It's a good way to go.

Got an issue or a question, or otherwise need to be 'Ill-Advised' in the future? Send it to Rachel Nichols right here.


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