Shula, Clemens and more: A hall of fame worthy quiz
Have you paid attention to the sports world this week? Did you see all the stuff on the Patriots? What about the MLB GM meetings? You better have paid attention, because there is a quiz:
1. In light of the cheating penalty placed on the undefeated Patriots, former Dolphins coach Don Shula said:
(a) The Patriots had "diminished what they've accomplished"
(b) The Patriots "would be the best in all of sports."
(c) The Patriots are "not for me to judge"
(d) All of the above
2. During his pretrial hearing, O.J. Simpson showed how seriously he is taking the proceedings by:
(a) Taking copious notes
(b) Constantly whispering strategy with his attorney
(c) Appearing to fall asleep
(d) Thinking about how to find "the real burglar"
3. Gardner-Webb's 84-68 win at Kentucky proves that:
(a) Anything can happen in college basketball
(b) The Wildcats should have scheduled an NAIA opponent instead
(c) Billy Gillispie is just another big-name, high-priced, overrated, team-jumping, money-grubbing college basketball coach
(d) All of the above
4. The highlight of the boxing world this week was:
(a) Klitschko-Ibragimov getting closer to becoming a reality
(b) Bika-Codrington finale on "The Contender"
(c) Cotto-Mosley set for this Saturday
(d) George Clooney-Fabio shoving match at an L.A. restaurant
5. Cleveland general manager Mark Shapiro celebrated being named MLB's executive of the year by doing what?
(a) Picking up the option on Paul Byrd despite HGH accusations
(b) Picking up the option on Joe Borowski despite his 5.07 ERA
(c) Buying one of these posters
(d) Both A and B
(e) All of the above
6. What is scariest thing about the Miami Heat?
(a) Dwyane Wade is about to return to the team
(b) They still owe Shaquille O'Neal $60 million
(c) Ricky Davis is their leading scorer
(d) They haven't won since April 13 (that's 17 straight losses)
7. Based on the clauses in his new contract with the Red Sox, Curt Schilling's biggest opponent this season will be:
(a) The Yankees' lineup
(b) The Indians' lineup
(c) The Angels' lineup
(d) The postgame spread
8. The Marlins are considering trading All-Star third baseman Miguel Cabrera because:
(a) He makes too much money for their payroll
(b) They're worried about his pregame ritual of two rounds of BP and three boxes of doughnuts
(c) Not much of a trade market for Alfredo Amezaga
(d) Hey, who needs a 25-year-old who hit .320 with 34 home runs?
9. This week we have learned that MLB's Mitchell Report:
(a) May or may not include the names of 11 free agents
(b) May or may not be released soon
(c) May or may not include names at all
(d) All of the above
10. David Stern announced this week:
(a) The fake leather ball is coming back
(b) If the Sonics leave Seattle, the NBA is done with that city
(c) He really did fix the 1985 NBA Lottery
(d) He's going to seek the presidency in 2012
11. Shaquille O'Neal's most notable achievement of the week was:
(a) Recording only three rebounds in a loss to the Spurs
(b) Taking only 11 shots in a loss to Charlotte
(c) Being told by attorneys that his wife wants to examine his finances
(d) Selling his Star Island mansion to Alex Rodriguez
12. When questioned about the Eagles' last-place standing in the NFC East, Donovan McNabb said:
(a) "I make the most money so the buck should stop with me."
(b) "I'm the face of this franchise, so I need to step up."
(c) "I'm the quarterback of this team, I'm responsible for winning and losing."
(d) "I'm not the only one to blame here."
13. After losing to Navy for the first time in 44 years, Notre Dame announced:
(a) It's going to fire coach Charlie Weis
(b) It's going to start Jimmy Clausen at QB
(c) It's going to stick with Evan Sharpley at QB
(d) It's strongly considering the strategy of playing like a champion today
14. Manny Ramirez began his offseason program by:
(a) Demanding a trade
(b) Picking out dye for his dreadlocks
(c) Trying to sell his souped-up Chrysler on eBay
(d) Being Manny
15. Clinton Portis' newest character is named:
(a) Bro Fo Sho
(b) Kewl Thang
(d) Holla Walla
16. Adrian Peterson is ...
(a) The best running back since LaDainian Tomlinson
(b) The best running back since Barry Sanders
(c) The best running back Eric Dickerson
(c) The best running back since Walter Payton
(d) The best running back since Jim Brown
(e) The best QB option the Vikings have
17. Roger Clemens announced this week that:
(a) He'd love to play for the Yankees for $38 million
(b) He'd love to play for the Red Sox for $38 million
(c) He'd love to play for the Astros for $38 million
(d) He's finally going to retire
18. Former commissioner Peter Ueberroth shockingly revealed this week that:
(a) If the Cubs had won the 1984 NLCS, the World Series would have been held at Comiskey Park
(b) The Tribune Co. wanted to demolish Wrigley Field and build a park in the suburbs
(c) He's been stalking Salma Hayek for years
(d) Steve Bartman is his son
(e) A and B
ESSAY QUESTION: Several major toy companies announced further recalls this week due to high lead count in the paint of their products. New England sports teams have appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated six times since the beginning of September. In 1,000 words or less describe how many of those toys you would be willing to eat and why if it would guarantee SI never does that again.
ANSWER KEY: 1, d, congrats coach, that backpedaling was worthy of Canton; 2, c, uh, Juice ... you heard how many life sentences you're facing, right?; 3, d, (cue Nelson's laugh from "The Simpsons" ); 4, b, because we love "The Contender," we love ESPN and we love getting paid every week; 5, d, for all we know Theo Epstein already sent him one of those posters; 6, d, seriously, you can Google it; 7, d, as Curt learned this season phat is good, fat is just ... well ... fat; 8, a, because you can't spell Marlins without a Single-A; 9, d, and you thought Bud Selig handled the 2002 All-Star Game poorly?; 10, b, that is, unless Shawn Kemp's kids decide to field their own team; 11, d, Big Aristotle made an $8.5 million profit (don't tell his wife); 12, d, thanks for sort of pointing out that there's no "I" in team, Donovan; 13, b, but we would also accept the write-in answer of "who friggin' cares?"; 14, c, seriously, check it out; 15, c, but the others are still in consideration for later; 16, e, that should bring the Vikings fans down to earth; 17, d, for now, but check back in 24 hours; 18, e, Holy Cow!