Thank goodness for Antonio Davis. It's Thursday, after all. The sports media have spent three straight days yammering about issues like, "How will the Broncos adjust to the Steelers' blitz schemes?" or "Is Nick Goings really enough of a threat to prevent Lofa Tatupu from dropping back into pass coverage?"
It's all getting a little tiring, scrambling for more ways to analyze the conference title games that are still three days away. Last night, I think I heard John Clayton and Sean Salisbury arguing about the beards of Jake Plummer and Ben Roethlisberger and whether they compare to the beard of Dan Fouts. Or maybe it was a bad dream.
But when Davis jumped into the stands during Wednesday's Knicks-Bulls game, worried that a fan was heckling his wife, it breathed new life into this day. We have something to talk about!
But is this worth leading SportsCenter with? How many hours does it deserve on sports radio? Will Kornheiser and Wilbon spend a full minute discussing it or just 30 seconds? And how much of your precious time as a sports fan should you devote to consuming this story?
We're here to help. Page 2 has devised the official List Of Egregious Athlete Behavior And How To Know Which Stories Are Important When Athletes Go Bad.
So check out the list and adjust your time accordingly.
WORTH A GOOD WEEK OF ACROSS-THE-BOARD COVERAGE
Watch all three editions of "SportsCenter." E-mail links to your friends, co-workers and parents. Read comprehensive coverage on ESPN.com and Page 2. Call in to sports radio.
Players leap into stands and throw haymakers at fans. The mother of all athlete sins. The "I did not have sex with that woman" action of bad athlete behavior. Except this one has video.
Players who spit on other players. There is no bigger sign of disrespect among pro athletes. They can fight with each other. They can sleep with another player's wife. They can call each other fat, lazy, stupid and incompetent. But spitting is an unpardonable sin. Especially if there's video.
WORTH A SOLID 72 HOURS OF COVERAGE
Cancel your plans. Watch interviews on ESPN, CNN and MSNBC. Read comprehensive coverage on ESPN.com, then discuss with co-workers at the watercooler. Listen to sports radio.
Baseball players who test positive for steroids. Move up if the player is a 500-homer, 3,000-hit guy; move down if the guy plays for the Mariners. And if the player tests positive on the same day he hits his 756th career home run, it won't matter because the Earth will starting spinning backward on its axis and we'll have more important things to worry about.
Wide receivers who say their team would be better off with Brett Favre at quarterback. Even better if there is stock video of athlete doing crunches in his driveway with his shirt off.
Hockey players who sucker punch an opposing player.
Players who charge into the stands to protect their wives. Players should never go into the stands. Unless it's to invite some hottie to their hotel room after the game.
Players who refuse to report to training camp. The ultimate sign of selfishness. Luckily, 99 percent of pro athletes are team players, so this rarely happens.
Players who flip-flop between playing for the United States or the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic. Move up on the list if athlete doesn't at least acknowledge that playing for Team USA is a complete honor.
WORTH A GOOD 24 HOURS OF COVERAGE
See whether SportsCenter is leading with it. Discuss only with other members of your fantasy football league. Tune in to sports radio as you drive into work now that Howard Stern is on satellite.
Quarterback throws his offensive line under the bus. Unless the QB is Brett Favre, in which case he should be praised for his honesty and grittiness.
Skiers who admit to skiing drunk. Definitely a big story if you're an Olympic downhill skier. But not a story if an Olympic snowboarder admits to smoking marijuana.
Players who admit their team has just been outcoached in a playoff game.
WORTH A MENTION ON SPORTSCENTER
Pay attention only if it's an athlete from one of your favorite teams.
Players who take it personally when they're the subject of trade rumors but claim it's a business when signing a fat contract with a new team in the offseason.
Players who are arrested for drunken driving, carrying a concealed weapon, assault at a nightclub or bar, or failure to pay child support. Move up if the player is Maurice Clarett.
Players who say they wouldn't play with a gay teammate.
Players who start their own record labels.
Hockey players who beat the crap out of each other during a game. Only because it's good video.
Players who "write" a book after their team has just won a championship.
MAYBE GETS A LINK ON ESPN.COM
Worth a quick, passing glance, but not worth discussing at length because it might present athletes in a negative light.
Football players who test positive for steroids.
College athletes who admit to accepting illegal payments from boosters or take underage recruits to off-campus sex and alcohol parties.
Players arrested for alleged domestic violence. For example, Seahawks starting offensive tackle Sean Locklear was arrested early Sunday morning and charged with assault after allegedly grabbing his girlfriend around the neck and leaving marks on her neck and chest. Colts defensive back Nick Harper, who was arrested in June on a domestic battery charge after police said he hit his wife, reportedly was cut by his wife with a filet knife before last Sunday's game with the Steelers.
Harper started for the Colts. Locklear will start for the Seahawks in the NFC Championship Game.
Enough of all this. Let's get back to the real issue of the day -- should Antonio Davis get suspended?
Dave Schoenfield is an editor for Page 2.