By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist

You'd think the sports definition of "scary" would be standing in against Randy Johnson or getting screamed at by Bobby Knight. But Page 2 has a couple ideas of what makes for a far more frightening Halloween:

Shawn Kemp
Keep those miniature Snickers bars away from Shawn Kemp.

  • Finding out your teenage daughter has gone trick or treating with Shawn Kemp.

  • Pulling the "Kansas" square in your office-pool grid for the NCAA Tourney.

  • Being forced to play a game of Boggle against the Christies.

  • Discovering Jeff George has a job ... and you don't.

  • Having to announce Augusta National's first woman member: Rosie O'Donnell.

  • Owning stock in the health-insurance provider for the St. Louis Blues goalies.

  • Having to inform the Red Sox Nation that the team is relocating to Montreal, not the other way around.

  • Finding out that a performer you thought was ultimately cool is using retro "Chuck Nevitt" jerseys in his latest hip-hop video.

    Richard Williams
    Just imagine hitting the singles bars with the man on the left.

  • Being Richard Williams' wing-man on his first post-divorce trip to the singles' bar.

  • Being the guy who has to tell "Undefeated College Football Team No. 3" that they are shut out of the national-championship game.

  • Arriving at work and learning that Darren Baker will spend the entire day sitting in your cubicle.

  • Catching a Barry Bonds home run in the bleachers on "Trial Lawyers' Day" at Pac Bell Park.

  • Being a Knicks season-ticket holder.

  • Sharing a locker with Ruben Rivera.

  • Standing behind Vin Baker at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

    Angels fans
    Oh, the horror, the horror.

  • Needing a raise to prevent the bank from foreclosing on your home and finding out your new boss is Clippers owner Donald Sterling.

  • Being godfather to the love child of Benito Santiago and Jackie Autry.

  • Driving the car in front of Randy Moss during a traffic jam.

  • Turning on the TV to find Mark Madsen as "The Bachelor."

  • Dealing with another season of Thunder Stix.

    Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "What's Hot, What's Not" trend-spotting list appears Thursdays. Got inside scoop on an up-and-coming trend? Want to declare something passé? Send this glimpse of your hipness to Don't forget to check out the NHL season preview Hot 'n' Not List!


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