By The Intern
Page 2

San Francisco Chronicle (11/21) -- Bleak news for the Ricky Williams keeper league vigils. A 17-month holistic healing course at the College of Ayurveda in Grass Valley should keep him out through 2005. Does that replace "Texas" in his bio?

eBay -- Because Eric Nies links come in threes. If you're thinking what I'm thinking, I'll save you the work. According to the latest issue of "Platinum Today," the going rate is $881 an ounce. From the looks of this award, there's more in Shyne's mouth. (click "Are You Ready?") -- If you were offended by the Terrell Owens clip, skip past last night's "RAW" intro. If not, you might gain a new liking for Vince McMahon, even more so than when he said, "This time if Bob Costas gets in my way, I'm going to forget that he is 4-foot-10 and 120 pounds."

NY Post (11/23) -- Safe to say Ron Artest is the only person on earth simultaneously gunning for Kevin Garnett, Eminem and Jimmy Carter. I was so stunned by the ending that I couldn't even think up an Arafat joke.

Reuters (336 B.C.) -- Quote of the Month. Granted, "In the end, all that matters is what you've done" was taken, but you'd think a lawyer trying to defend Alexander the Great's past could have thought up a better slogan than this. Anyone know how to say "not that there's anything wrong with that" in Greek?

USA Today (11/22) -- Heartwarming stuff out of (where else?) Florida. Writes links reader Benjamin Zani: "My friend Cassie was actually the one to take the phone call from Vanilla Ice about his missing kangaroo and goat. She works for the local paper in Port St. Lucie, and they put a picture of them on the front page. Then today, she gets a call from Vanilla Ice, asking for the number for Animal Control. I couldn't make this up if I tried." Here I thought being in a Small World league with Hench made this a cool job.

Boston Herald (11/18) -- An expose (okay, 1000 words, it's the Herald) about belligerent bouncers in Boston. My roommate and I have both heard about a place that trains the staff to bend the pinkie a certain way so you tear the tendon apart. This bar didn't even make the story. Don't let Steven Tyler fool you. It's a tough town.

LA Weekly (11/19) -- Joel Stein's heading to LA to (possibly) write for the Times, and columnist Nikki Finke is not happy about it ... AT ALL. I couldn't have cared less until I saw that "Professor Stein" teaches a humor writing class at Princeton. No wonder we've got people like Jenna Bush telling us her gammie thinks "Sex and the City" is something married people do, but never talk about. Now THAT'S annoying.

American Film Institute -- Had a great time Thursday night going over the 400 nominees for the 100 greatest movie quotes. I'd give it a B+. I had two real problems: 1) They nominated a quote from "Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid," but not "You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at." My Mom has been using that for years, in response to things like: "You know, I've been thinking about becoming an ordained minister." And 2) I respect that one of the criteria is "quotes that viewers use to evoke the memory of a treasured film, thus ensuring and enlivening its historical legacy." Still, there's gotta be some leeway for "You're KILLING me, Smalls!"

Tru (click "Audio/Video") -- Ain't nothing like a Nat-town party, if a Nat-town party includes blunts, group sex and Ron Artest making pukey noises. I kinda think he sounds like Big Pun. Maybe somebody else told him that. And maybe that's why he laid out the pudgy guy.

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