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Page 2 (Greg in St. Louis) -- For his latest trick, David Copperfield plans to impregnate a woman on stage without actually touching her. What's he going to do? Show a blue dot to the audience? Feel her stomach and tell us to take his word on it? This has got to be the single dumbest idea in magical history. -- Former porn star and flame of Charlie Sheen sells the pearl necklace he once gave her. Let it be known that no man has ever shown more restraint than I am right now. -- Lamond Murray reflects on his time as a Toronto Raptor, all but burns down the Air Canada Center on his way out. -- R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" series simply won't die. And why should it? All he has to do is wake up one morning, describe what he ate for breakfast, randomly fire off a gunshot at the ceiling, and call it a day. That's Episode 31 right there.

For the record, my list of greatest 90's sitcoms yesterday EXCLUDED animated shows. The sitcom link set that out in the ground rules. So for those of you that wrote in to tell me that we can no longer be make-believe friends, I will now accept your make-believe apologies. (Manuel G.) -- Here's a fake Neil Patrick Harris blog, attributed to his character from "How I Met Your Mother," where he notes "Twenty-Four Ways in Which Women Are Like Fish." This is the sound of me holding up my hands and retreating to a safe distance. (Ken R.) -- Would you hire this man? -- I'm genuinely going to miss the Vlade Divac Era. He looked like a cross between Jean Reno ("The Professional") and Yakov Smirnoff; watching him plead with refs was endlessly entertaining; he took "craftiness" to unimagined levels; I still laugh at him demonstrating dance moves to Kings cheerleaders in that excellent commercial; and he always struck me as someone who would be great in a crisis. Plus, I can't think of many things more frightening than getting stuck guarding a shirtless Vlade in a pickup game. I respect that. (Frank M.) -- Check out the new Ali G promos for NBA on TNT. Somehow, these got me inexplicably excited for the upcoming season. (Dave from D.C.) -- Everything you ever wanted to know about "Laguna Beach." This confirms what I knew all along -- it's undeniably "real," but painstakingly choreographed. Yet I continue to watch the show. Which reminds me ... -- Behind the scenes look at "My Name is Earl," which I caught for the first time this week and really enjoyed. If I were a real man, I'd only watch sports and exhaustive war documentaries on the History Channel. If I were half a man, I'd extend my viewing to quality sitcoms like "Earl," but I would never watch sensational reality programming like "Laguna." This is why I constantly picture a disappointed Clint Eastwood shaking his head at me.

TUESDAY (Mike C. in L.A.) -- Support for Simmons' "Godfather" analogy between Weis and Carroll. Weis has the look of a man suddenly realizing that Carl Everett just outdebated him.



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