Page 2 staff

There are so few certainties left in our lives. Anyone who doesn't believe this, just take a look at the team that won the world championship of baseball.

Thank goodness one of the few certainties we have left is the behavior of our favorite friends in the media spotlight -- the ones who time after time allow us to ask that one simple question: "What the heck were they thinking?"

Bonds? Naomi? Even mild-mannered Ken Jennings gets into the act this time. What we're trying to say is this: If you act like an idiot, you will always have a home on Page 2.

Still, we need your help here. We need you to tell us what in the world was going on in their beady little brains. Just vote in the poll to the right, and move on to the next incomprehensible act.

What the heck was Barry Bonds thinking when he agreed to charge fans $7,500 for a five-minute meet-and-greet after it was revealed that he admitted to a grand jury that he unknowingly took steroids?

Barry Bonds
"I just hope they don't ask me about that stuff Palmiero gave me."

A. "Hey, they're getting their money's worth. Do you know the street value of the HGH we put in the goody bags?"

B. "Excuse me, but Barry Bonds has needs. Those massage chairs in the locker room don't pay for themselves."

C. "Like that Sprewell guy said, I gotta feed my kids. It's not my fault they eat platinum bars and Euros for breakfast."

D. "For an extra $1,500, I'll sign everything with an asterisk."

E. "What? I didn't know we were charging people. Greg Anderson just told me to show up."

F. "All these questions are giving me a headache. Hey, would someone run down to the Tijuana Walgreens for me? Ask for Tito, he'll know."