Wednesday, May 7, 2003
Updated: May 12, 12:27 PM ET
Job opportunities abound for MJ
By Graham Hays
After firing two coaches, botching the No. 1 overall pick, staging a comeback complete with overpaid veteran cronies like Charles Oakley and contributing to the team's 179 losses since January 2000, Michael Jordan is no longer a part of the Wizards organization. But one small blotch on his résumé shouldn't be enough to keep Jordan unemployed for long. We've got some ideas on his next stop: take a look and then vote on what MJ should do next.
|Jordan won't be in the shadows for long.|
General manager, Connecticut Sun
Jordan doesn't have a daughter, but that doesn't mean he should ignore the women's game. The WNBA could use a face like Jordan's to help promote the game. And with the Sun, relocated from Orlando, playing their games at the Mohegan Sun casino, Jordan could mix his two passions. As an added bonus, Jordan wouldn't be able to waste draft picks on high school players under WNBA rules.
Like MacArthur triumphantly returning to the Philippines, Jordan could return to Washington D.C. with the Expos. There are already a number of interested ownership groups in the D.C. area, but potential roadblock Peter Angelos might not be so uptight about competition after seeing how Jordan ran the Wizards. With Vladimir Guerrero on the roster, the new baseball team would have a bigger drawing card than anyone Jordan had on his Wizards rosters ... except, of course, himself. One potential pitfall? A comeback attempt could cripple the team's offense.
Commissioner, Champions Tour
Jordan knows marketing. The Champions Tour, formerly golf's Senior PGA Tour, is trying to remake its image while still relying on the talent of cigar-chomping geriatrics who are all listed as day-to-day -- even if they aren't injured. And who better to lead the young generation of over-the-hill golfers to the promised land. Just expect a special Commissioner Exemption to appear in the bylaws around 2013.
General manager, Chicago Bulls
The most obvious choice, even if all involved parties claim it could never happen. And after seeing Kwame Brown blossom into a 7.4 ppg player under Jordan's tutelage, how could Bulls fans not get excited about seeing Jordan work with Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler. Additionally, the working relationship between Jordan and Jerry Reinsdorf would be the most entertaining story in sports management since George Steinbrenner fired Billy Martin for the final time.
Owner, Birmingham Barons
We bet Jordan was never happier than when chasing his baseball dreams on those long bus rides down the back roads of the Southern League. What better way to recapture that magic than buying the team for whom he hit .202? And just imagine the promotions Jordan could concoct in his role as Birmingham's Bill Veeck. "Jerry Krause Piņata Night" and "All Third World Child Laborers Eat Free" would be sure-fire ticket sellers.
General manager, Carolina Hurricanes
Jordan doesn't know anything about hockey? Come on, he was part-owner of the Washington Capitals -- he must have picked up a few things about putting the biscuit in the basket. Taking control of the Hurricanes would allow Jordan to bide his time in Charlotte while waiting for the city's new NBA team to begin operations. Plus, he'd get a chance to shove it in Ted Leonsis' face every time the Hurricanes faced the rival Capitals. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
Assistant coach, North Carolina
Don't think Jordan would accept such a menial (and low-paying) position? Lock him in a room with Dean Smith for a few hours and you get the feeling he'd be willing to leave a horse's head in Larry Brown's bed. And with Roy Williams' newfound potty mouth, Jordan might even have a few chances to close out games with the clipboard in hand.
Vice President, United States of America
Dick Cheney says he's up for keeping the job for another four years, but should health problems force him off the ticket, what better last-minute replacement than Jordan? Although his political inclinations aren't well known, Jordan is well versed in answering questions about hot-button issues without saying anything. And if we're looking for Americans who still have some popularity on the international stage, it's either MJ or Jerry Lewis. You make the call.