Monday, July 28, 2003
Your Turn: Suggested Sports Movies
Cheech and Chong as owners of the Portland Trail Blazers? Eminem as Jason Williams? Bruce Willis as Mark Messier?
We asked for your sports movie pitches and you obliged, hundreds of times over. Check out some of your ideas.
On The Road Again ...
In honor of the passing of Bob Hope, I think there needs to be a road pic featuring George Steinbrenner and David Wells. The movie should be about the breakdown of Steinbrenner's private jet and having to hitch a ride on David Wells' motorcycle to Florida for Spring Training. The comedic possibilities are endless.
The Empire Strikes Out
The story of the 1990 last-place Yankees. Directed by Billy Crystal.
Up in Smoke: The Next Generation
Starring the Portland Trail Blazers, head coach Snoop Dogg, general manager Nate Newton and owners Cheech and Chong. The plot finds the Trail Blazers the laughing stock of the league until the new owners, Cheech and Chong, provide them with a special supplement that takes their game to a "higher" level.
Major League Cork
A cartoon about a baseball bat born with the handicap of a cork middle. The trials and tribulations are documented until he makes it to the major leagues, being used in batting practice only. He finally gets his chance in a real game against a tough junkball pitcher. The bat is so proud, beaming from top to bottom. With a 2-1 count, the pitcher winds and dines. The bat is swung and makes contact. Then the CRACK of the bat, scene changes to crime scene in Chicago, where the bat undergoes a complete scientific study. The bat is placed in the Hall of Shame for all to see.
Wild Thing: The Rick Ankiel Story
Starts out a promising young pitcher with great stuff, then all of a sudden, he can't hit the broad side of a barn door, let alone the strike zone. Starring Colin Farrell as Ankiel (why not, Farrell is in everything else these days), Gene Hackman as manager Tony La Russa, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Big Mac, with special guest star Bill Gates as Bud Selig.
Warren, New Jersey
The All-American Boy
Here are the Top 5 subjects you would like to see made into a movie:
5. Kobe Bryant
4. McGwire and Sosa
3. Pete Rose
2. Lance Armstrong (played by Ed Norton)
1. Nile Kinnick
A movie on Nile Kinnick would be an inspiring story considering our country's current situation. As most of us already know, Nile Kinnick was the Heisman Trophy winner who attended the University of Iowa and turned down a NFL contract to serve his country in WWII. ESPN already featured him on the SportsCentury series and this movie would be a great follow up. He is a true mark of the kind of student-athlete that every university wants to produce both on and off the field of play.
Nile Kinnick did not just win the hearts of Hawk fans, he won the hearts of every American.
Starring Eminem as Jason Williams (no, not that one, the white kid), Jaleel White as high school teammate Randy Moss and John Ritter as the pair's protective guidance counselor.
The feel-good story of the year for hip-hop white kids everywhere.
McGwire and Co. Save The Earth
A movie with Mark McGwire (played by Russell Crowe) and Sammy Sosa (played by Cuba Gooding Jr.), teaming up together to defeat space aliens. The aliens come to Earth to steal everybody away. In one scene you see McGwire and Sosa on top of a large hill batting the aliens, and every time they hit one they make a witty remark. Near the end of the movie they discover that the aliens can only be killed by hitting them very, very, very hard, requiring McGwire to pump ungodly amounts of supplements into his body and Sosa to utilize a corked bat. However, their efforts are thwarted at the end when they find that Randy Johnson was popping the aliens' heads off by throwing fastballs at them with lightening speed and accuracy, thus saving the Earth.
Or, you could just watch them all play with puppies for two hours; that wouldn't be so bad either.
Lance Armstrong: An American Hero
I'm sure I'm not the only one to suggest this, but the story of Lance Armstrong has to be made into a movie. Certainly it could be made into a cheesy movie-of-the-week, but could have potential for big-screen success as well. How about Edward Norton in the lead role?
Bling Bling Gets You Out of Sing Sing: The Kobe Bryant Story
Cast: Ray Allen as Kobe (hey, you need a good-looking, well-spoken, experienced actor, and real-time baller to get the lead), Beyonce Knowles as Vanessa Bryant, and Britany Murphy as Kobe's accuser. The Colorado DA is played by Matt Damon. Of course, James Earl Jones as Kobe's dad and a guest appearance by Shaq as Shaq.
Plot: The story picks up from the day before the public knew of Kobe's felony charge. The Bryant family tries to support Kobe, especially his wife, but Kobe does his own thing and turns the public against his accuser. Kobe gains street cred, but loses his clean-cut image. The movie ends in a mistrial because the judge finds out that Kobe tried to bribe the jurors in Colorado by giving them autographed adidas shoes!
Movie highlight: The expression on Vanessa's face when Kobe tries to buy his love for her back with the $4 million ring ... priceless.
Jurassic Mark II: Back to NY
Bruce Willis playing Mark Messier as a greedy old man who takes up too much ice time for the hopeless New York Rangers. Bruce is the captain of the shameless Rangers and during his journey through the season he endures more and more ice time -- ice time he doesn't deserve. Although Bruce plays a future Hall of Famer, he is in denial he is washed up and he even gets paid more than Dany Heatley, a superstar player in the league. Ben Affleck as Eric Lindros is another one of Mark's gold-digger teammates and Ed McMahon as Glen Sather is the general manager who doesn't care.
Bellmore, New York
Mike on Mike
I'd like to see Michael Jackson star in a musical as Mike Tyson. The crotch grabbing would be easy, the dancing around the ring should be child's play, and the bizarre press conferences would make Jacko right at home.
Kansas City, Missouri