|ESPN.com: NFL||[Print without images]|
|Flem File Five|
Top Five Active QBs who have broken their thumbs:
5. Tim Couch
4. Jay Fiedler
3. Kurt Warner
2. Brett Favre
1. Steve McNair
Wherein we continue to follow the exploits of FlemFile mascot and former Washington TE Zeron Flemister.
"I hate to be rude but I set my phone down for a few minutes and I get 6-7 messages," says ZFlem. "Not many people understand how this league works. They think it's like getting transferred from one Wal-Mart to another. It's hard to explain, man. I haven't even gotten to unpack my bags yet." Second on the depth chart at TE, ZFlem is fully healed and making an impact on special teams for the Redskins, who are in a three-game free fall and, perhaps, still feeling the affect of the FlemFile curse. (These things are hard to turn off.) "It's getting tense around here," says Z, "we need to bounce back or we're looking at another year out of the playoffs."
|The WHYLO (Who Helped You Log On) of the Week|
Tons of complimentary email regarding last week's column about how the NFL has become a league of Tackle Me Elmos. Giving me plenty of Old School cred, Don writes, "Way to go with the column on tackling. I'm a 71-year-old ex-jock, Honorable Mention All New England 1952, who played cornerback for UMass. It seems there's better sports writing going on in America these days than there is poetry being written. My son just emailed me your article on tackling. You got it right, from Deion right on down the line. Thanks."
But the best stuff came in response to my mentioning an ubermullet I spotted in the Tennessee crowd. Says Steve, "If you feel cool bashing the south...fine....but at least acknowledge that the guy with the ubermullet had a girlfriend who was hotter than yours." P May was also not pleased with my notes section calling them "ridiculously trivial. Ridiculing mullets is extremely cliché. In fact, I bet you've had more than one in your life. Also, no one cares what you were listening to when you wrote your article. You were probably reminiscing the time in 11th grade when you cried at the Morrissey concert when he by happenstance glanced your way. In other words, stay away from making yourself seem hip, smart or metropolitan at the expense of your readers. P.S. I am aware that this letter is probably riddled with spelling and grammatical errors."
Thankfully, most readers have a sense of hair helmet humor. Doctor Jon wrote in to inform me that the mullet I described has an actual name: "a skullet." Dave writes, "I have your Tennessee ubermullet beat. In the Mall of America I saw one with mutton chops running down the side of the face exactly the same length as the hair on the sides of the head." Steve says, "The mullet you describe actually has a name here in the south. That one is known as a B.B.-- Business in Front, Badass in the Back. Kentucky Waterfall is also acceptable."
Finally, my nickname for Nashville (NashVegas, which comes from an ad for a revue-style show I ran across a few years ago) sent one reader into full panic. Allan writes, "In your article, you made what is seemingly a facetious remark in calling the Titans NashVegas. Being a Titans fan, and considering myself relatively knowledgeable in football, I feel like I might be missing something here. Are there rumors of Tennessee moving to Las Vegas? Please fill me in as I'm not sure I could stick with the Titans through another move."
Yes Allan they are moving to Las Vegas -- next week in fact. And their new name will be the Las Vegas WHYLO's.
I've seen many-a-team fall apart in the NFL but nothing quite like the brutal injury and insubordination freefall taking place in Georgia. ... If the NFL can't figure out the OT coin flip I suggest they let the players do Rock-Paper-Scissors. ... Coaching in the NFL today has become almost 50% dealing with injuries. ... By my count, Terrell Owens has five drops in his last two games. When is someone gonna scream and stomp up and down in front of him while he sits on the bench? ... After another MAC snack -- a 49-3 win over Ball State -- my Lil' RedHawks are now RANKED 23RD IN THE FIRST BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES POLL. LOOK OUT SOONERS. As big of a homer as I am with Miami, I never thought I'd write a sentence that contained the words BCS and RedHawks. ... How did I ever forget to include the Cleveland Browns in my Tackle Me Elmo my column last week? The biggest hit of the season for the Brownies was when someone bumped into Tim Couch by accident before the Chargers game. ... You can learn all you need to know about someone in five minutes of pick-up basketball. ... I wish I could download the addictive bassline from the White Stripes' Seven Nation Army to use as the ring tone for my cell. ... Please stop with the excruciating slow mo replays of Denver QB Steve Beuerlein's crooked finger or NYG guard Rich Seubert's hobbled right leg. ... Even after rushing for 200 yards and the Chargers first win of the season RB LaDainian Tomlinson was in a bad mood Monday about not getting to run in one final score. Who does this guy think he is? David Boston? ... Brian Russell's six picks are every bit as impressive as anything Randy Moss has done so far in Minnie when you consider this: DBs tend to drop half the passes that hit their hands because most of them are, after all, failed wideouts. ... At 2-4 the Bengals are only one game out of first in the AFC North.
THIS COLUMN WRITTEN WHILE LISTENING TO: Rage Against the Machine.