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Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Chat wrap: Bill Simmons

Did you miss The Sports Guy's live chat from Super Bowl XXXVIII in Houston? No problem. Here it is:

Bill Simmons: (10:03 AM ET ) Hi everyone... sorry I'm late

Tim in Yonkers: What is the running total on ESPN staffers as Light Rail victims?

Bill Simmons: (10:04 AM ET ) I would say 5 and a half.

Rob in Boston (Brookline): This BLOG of yours is pretty intense Bill. I have final coming up. Are you trying to make me fail out of law school?

Bill Simmons: (10:05 AM ET ) Yes. My goal is to ruin everyone's week so they keep reloading the page to see if anything new is up.

John - Boston: What was Troy Brown's demeanor after losing the video football game to Steve Smith?

Bill Simmons: (10:06 AM ET ) Shattered. He's questionable for Sunday now.

Eric, Malden MA: Bill, At the All Valley Karate Championship, the referee sets the tone by saying there is to be no contact "to the face". BUT, as we all know, Daniel-San beats Zabka, and wins the tourney w/ a crane kick to the face?!?! how is this so? a blown non-call by the Ref? Did Miyagi not have his full faith in D-San and pay off the Ref?? so many questions bill, please add some insight. oh yeah. Go PATS!

Bill Simmons: (10:07 AM ET ) This is a great question. I wrote about this on my old site. There's really no rhyme or reason to that ending. I think the referee was definitely pro Daniel-san. He felt bad for him because he was 34 in real life.

LJ in Sandwich: What does radio row smell like?

Bill Simmons: (10:08 AM ET ) Bacon

Brian in Boston: How pissed are you that they made you get up at 7 AM (PST) for this chat?

Marc from Tulsa: I'm suprised you haven't mentioned the animal-like scream Howard Dean let out after Iowa. This has to set a whole new level in the unintential comedy meter.

Bill Simmons: (10:10 AM ET ) I was gonna do it on Monday, then I thought Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, and now I might do it Friday, or I could save it for the big game when the Pats beat the Panthers.... HEEEEEEE-YAHHHHHHHH!

Jeff from Boston: Great to see that you got the Dan Marino face off the Sports Gal finally! I noticed you got a shout out from the globes Nick Cafardo in his weekly mailbag. My question is, how are your old WEEI buddies that you blasted in your previous life doing? Collegial colleagues, or are you ducking bullets?

Bill Simmons: (10:11 AM ET ) It's funny, everyone assumes that the media people from Boston don't like me... I get along with just about everyone. When I had my old website, I received more positive emails than angry emails when i made fun of people. it was weird.

Dan from Little Rock: Who did you have in the "First Major Leaguer to Turn-up in a Gay Porn" pool. Mine was Andy Pettitte.

Bill Simmons: (10:12 AM ET ) I had a parlay with all the Yankees.

Joe from Washington DC: Bill, there is no possible way that the Williams recruiting saga is for real. It has to be made up!

Bill Simmons: (10:13 AM ET ) not true - the willie williams stories are 100% true. i'm glad everyone enjoyed them so much. check out wednesday's blog for details.

Vikash, Orlando: you havent mentioned anything about Obriens giddy are you?

Bill Simmons: (10:15 AM ET ) I'm not happy about it at all. If I were him, I wouldn't have just resigned, I would have done it during a game. Just walked over to the PA announcer, grabbed the mike and said, "You know what? The Vin Baker trade, Raef LaFrentz's knee, Ricky Davis... I have to go. I might kill somebody. Good luck everyone."

Keith from Wallingford, CT: How is your fantasy basketball league going? Vince is trash again this year, and Baker is doing his best Vin Baker act. you can't be pleased with this. and how is your dad handling all of this?

Bill Simmons: (10:17 AM ET ) My league is going poorly. Vin killed us - I jinxed him by printing the Vin and Tonic joke that George made. Our worst picks were Ty Lue and Dion Glover... we have no depth. We're in fifth place. Dave - the guy who has KG, Peja and LeBron - is running away with it.

Jon, Hopkinton MA: Do you think the Pats winning the Superbowl will help make up for the Grady Little debacle.

Bill Simmons: (10:17 AM ET ) No. Nothing could ever make up for that.

Jeff, Austin: When is Corolla going to get his own show? And will you jump ship for a shot at being his "Head Writer"?

Bill Simmons: (10:19 AM ET ) Carolla should definitely have his own show... he's a comedy savant. It will happen. I'd like to see him starring in a cheesy police "drama" that would be like the old Adam West comedy Lookwell. That's my ideal.

Robert, Oklahoma: So do they miss Milloy?

Bill Simmons: (10:20 AM ET ) I think they do... this team should be 18-0. It's ridiculous, Belichick really screwed up. He messed up the whole season.

Jack-Boston: Reading you for 5 years. Funny, Funny stuff...Mike O'Malley was on eei yesterday and today calling Warren Saap the biggest jerk he has ever met, and he can't believe the NFL has him representing them down there. Have you had a chance to meet Saap, and if so, what is your impression??

Bill Simmons: (10:21 AM ET ) I'm going to meet him tonight... now I'm looking forward to it!

Chuck, Buffalo: Where does Suzy Kobler's face rate on the Pantheon of Faces after the 2nd "I really want to kiss you" comment by Broadway?

Bill Simmons: (10:21 AM ET ) We never so her face! They cut away. I'm still mad about this. Supposedly Joe had a ton of Aqua Velva on.

Jim(Worcester, MA): Do you miss liiving back home. The sports fans just don't compare with the maniacs back here. You must miss it.

Bill Simmons: (10:23 AM ET ) I miss everything about Boston. Except the weather. I really, really, REALLY don't miss the weather. I really missed it during the playoffs last October - that was the only time I was genuinely homesick. It's just not the same being 3000 miles away.

greg from winston-salem, nc: I've never seen the jimmy kimmel show. It's replaced by our local affliate with back to back episodes of "Elimidate". just thought you'd like to know. I am in the process of filing a complaint.

Bill Simmons: (10:24 AM ET ) In their defense, Elimidate is a great show.

PJ - NY, NY: Bill everyone knows that each Starbucks takes on the personality of its employees. There's the artsy Starbucks, the angst Starbucks, the Goth Starbucks, the I-am-a-victim-of-the-tech-bubble-burst-and-needed-a-job- Starbucks,the way-too-excited-to-be-making-your-latte-Starbucks, etc. Which is yours and why do you keep going there for coffee if you hate their made up words and attitude?

Bill Simmons: (10:25 AM ET ) Mine is the "We all want to be actors, so we're very chipper and have a ton of energy just in case some producer comes in and decides he wants to hire one of us for something" Starbucks. I hate them.

Hazel, Buffalo, NY: The great Bill Hicks used to make fun of California by saying that people in California would call back east on New Years and keep rubbing in the fact that it is 80 degrees there. Do you do that?

Bill Simmons: (10:28 AM ET ) I do it to my Dad. I can't help it. I like to call him in the mornings and say "Jesus Christ, it's freezing outside today!" And then when he asks how cold it is, I say "56! It's so cold I can't even think!" And he gets really angry. It hasn't gotten old yet.

Tom in KC: What's your estimate on how long you could survive in Vegas if you moved there? I estimate mine is about 10 months.

Bill Simmons: (10:30 AM ET ) That's a fantastic question. Here's the thing... I think I could survive there. I would bet the NBA and NFL and make $300,000 a year. And I'd wear really cheesy clothes. I know I could do it. The Sports Gal gets pissed when I talk about this - she thinks I really want to do it.

Jay (Boston): Sorry, I must be in the social cocktail hour room at ESPN, I was looking for The Show.

Bill Simmons: (10:30 AM ET ) Hey, it's the turd in the punchbowl, everybody!

Mike, Harrisburg: How hungover are you right now?

Bill Simmons: (10:31 AM ET ) On a scale of 1 to 10? probably a 7.

Bryan from Corning, NY: Who do you think is going to be the Super Bowl MVP? And do you think Ty Law is going to shut down Steve Smith.

Bill Simmons: (10:33 AM ET ) I think the Super Bowl MVP is going to be Jake Delhomme. He will be more crucial to the Pats winning the game than anyone who actually plays for the Pats

Frank - Lakeville, MA: Does it bother you or is it creepy that so many girls out here want to jump tom brady's bones? I know a girl who stalked him to his house

Bill Simmons: (10:34 AM ET ) Yes... I'm very worried about a Roy Hobbs-Kim Basinger type relationship that derails his career. When he was dating Tara Reid, that almost gave me an ulcer.

Eddie from Lynnfield: I was ahhhh wondering how the ahhhh chinese food was in ahhhh Houston?

Bill Simmons: (10:35 AM ET ) (Laughing)

AJ - Cambridge, MA: Are you worried that the Pats will suffer from the same overconfidence that plagued the Rams two seasons ago?

Bill Simmons: (10:36 AM ET ) No. That team had Mike Martz as their coach.

Jay (Massapequa, NY): I have some #'s for you...104.5, 96.6, 109.5...those are Mr. Delhomme's passer ratings for Carolina's 3 playoff games this year. I'd be a bit less optimistic about his utter failure if I were you.

Bill Simmons: (10:36 AM ET ) You're right, he was terrific in the Philly game.

Marc in Philly: Why was the John Kasay/ Panthers PR woman temper tantrums not shown on Jimmy Kimmel Live?

Bill Simmons: (10:38 AM ET ) It wasn't a temper tantrum... he quietly melted down. He seemed like a nice guy, I think he just didn't get the concept of comedy in any way, shape or form. Devout Christians usually aren't involved in a ton of pranks.

Bob - Norwood, Ma: So when they wrote that you'd be updating your BLOG two or three times a day and you KNEW that it would only be two at the most, did you feel at all guilty?

Bill Simmons: (10:39 AM ET ) Not at all! I've basically been writing 2 columns a day... I wrote way too much this week. It was idiotic. I'm going to be sick for like 3 weeks when I get back to LA. I'm like Pedro - I can't throw more than 100 pitches or pitch on 3 days rest or I completely fall apart.

Cabell from Washington DC: Why doesn't Atlanta make the short list of SB cities? Fits all of your criteria.

Bill Simmons: (10:40 AM ET ) Atlanta sucks. it's too spread out. The NBA All-Star Game was a disaster - just people in traffic for hours on end at night.

Aaron in Lincoln, NE: Any great bits coming up tonight on Jimmy Kimmel Live?

Bill Simmons: (10:42 AM ET ) We're very excited about tonight's show - we're doing it from someone's house in Houston. Crazy family. Nick Lachey, Warren Sapp are the guests. Like six weeks of planning went into this show. I wish I was kidding.

Kevin - Penn Yan, NY: So who is most likely to be this year's Eugene Robinson / Barrett Robbins? And what kind of situation will they find themselves in?

Bill Simmons: (10:43 AM ET ) I think it's going to be a Panther - that franchise has a weird history.

Juno Beach, FL: What is crazy prop bet you are taking on the SB?

Bill Simmons: (10:44 AM ET ) I like the "Team will score a defensive TD" bet. I think it's +130. I have high hopes for Delhomme on Sunday.

Kyle (Cleveland, OH): Did you see the picture on Page Six of Brady's girlfriend? It says she will be in Houston for the SuperBowl? Can you meet her at the airport and stow her away in the La Quinta until after the game? "Women weaken legs!"

Bill Simmons: (10:45 AM ET ) I agree - we need to put her in the basement of LaQuinta until Sunday night

Jr (Chicago): Will a handcuffed Rae Carruth make a Willis Reed like entrance in the fourth quarter to save the day for the Panthers?

Bill Simmons: (10:47 AM ET ) Good God, that's Rae Carruth's music!

Matt VA: Where will the John Fox: were down 24-0 in the first half of the superbowl and Jake Delhome is my QB Face rank?

Bill Simmons: (10:47 AM ET ) Right up there. I can't wait.

Gloucester City, NJ: What is your dad's take on the game and will your step-mom be takikng any trips that night?

Bill Simmons: (10:49 AM ET ) My stepmom is a Doctor and she's on call on Super Bowl Sunday. Dad was delighted when he told me this week. I still think something will get screwed up and she'll come home in the 4th quarter.

david nyc: whats the best part of living on the West Coast and working in Hollywood?

Bill Simmons: (10:50 AM ET ) the random celebrity sightings. no question about it. it's a ridiculous twist to every single day.

Dave (VA): There is already a porn mag called Swank!

Bill Simmons: (10:52 AM ET ) It's amazing, people thought I didn't know this. Of course I knew this. The big raunchy three when I were growing up were Oui, High Society and Swank. I was arguing that the mag should be called "Swankiest" or "Swankest" - I guess both are words. I don't even think they make Swank anymore.

Rich (Dallas, TX): When you have control of ESPN6 what will be the first bit of SuperBowl programming you give the OK?

Bill Simmons: (10:52 AM ET ) Top 20 greatest Super Bowl incidents, told in detail with celeb commentary.

Justin - Rapid City: which celeb has been the biggest pain in the butt as co-host for Jimmy Kimmel Live?

Bill Simmons: (10:54 AM ET ) Monica Lewinsky. Turned down just about every idea we had, refused to talk about Clinton. She was a delight. I love when people who shouldn't be celebs act more self-important than people who are actually celebs.

Greg, Chicago: Im gonna keep asking til I get on answer: who wins a cage match between Ditka and Belichick

Bill Simmons: (10:54 AM ET ) Is Ditka taking Levitra before the match or not?

Tom, Pembroke: This media crap is just killing me. I just listened to Wilbon pick the Panthers and claim that "every ex-player Ive spoken to likes Carolina." What the hell is it about these two week gaps that turns everyone's brains into mush? If you polled everyone the second Carolina beat Philly, it would've been 90-10, Pats. I'm convinced that w/ a 3 week layoff, 3/4 of the media would give Brian Boitano and his Savage Skateboys a fighting chance against the Pats. Help me.

Bill Simmons: (10:55 AM ET ) Just remember, everyone like Indy two weeks ago.

Jim - San Francisco: Will the flagship show of ESPN6 be NFL/NBA players facing off on PS2? This could be a runaway hit!

Bill Simmons: (10:55 AM ET ) Of course.

Chris, Omaha: Bill . . . Sarah from RW/RR or Kyle Brady . . . who do you take in the Gauntlet?

Bill Simmons: (10:57 AM ET ) Sarah from the RW/RR - she's unstoppable. Even the best QB in football couldn't handle her.

Okay, guys, I have to go take a 55-minute shower and throw up. Thanks for all the questions... enjoy the game on Sunday.