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Friday, September 30, 2005
Links of the day

By The Intern
Page 2 (Nicholas U.) -- A belligerently drunk Steve-O (link is on the right) wreaks havoc on "Too Late with Adam Corolla." Fortunately, Carolla's instinctive "Geraldo gear" kicked in just in time. -- Steve Smith calls it quits. Don't sleep on Steve's legacy. A budding superstar before his knees got the better of him, Steve turned himself into a three-point marksman with a sneaky game, including the best baseline hesitation move I've ever seen, a hilarious "old-man shuffle" back downcourt after made baskets, and Warrick Dunn-like humanitarianism. Respect. (Chuck P.) -- Language prevents me from linking to a lot of these strangely fascinating 30 second clips, but here you can watch animated bunnies reenact "Highlander." Feel free to forget this link ever happened. (registration required) -- Come up with the worst person you can think of. Now imagine if this person looked like Marky Mark crossed with Jason Giambi. Finally, throw in a British accent and a winning lottery ticket. (Drew M.) -- This time Roger Ebert spews unfiltered hate at "North." I wish that I could just tag-in Roger whenever righteous anger begins brewing inside of me. Trapped in five minutes of phony small-talk with one of those haughty, "My life is a self-entitled play" types? Just tap in Roger. "Wipe that disingenuous smile off your face, you clueless, excessive shoulder-grabbing, two-faced fraud! You are the armpit of humanity!" As Phony Guy looks at me in stunned horror, I'd give a quick shoulder shrug and subtly tilt my head at Roger, who would defiantly march away.

Sorry about the Roy Firestone tease yesterday (we shut the site down). Actually, I'm not sorry at all. I'm swelling with pride. I do, however, suggest checking it out once it's up and running again. It's unbelievable. (Carl T. in Raleigh, NC) -- Edited transcript from a very strange Q&A with N.C. State head football coach Chuck Amato. He comes off like a nonsensical philosopher repeating himself more than Jimmy Two Times. He also assures us that he's "the man." (Matt G.) -- Not sure if Ditka's new mascot is the epitome of blue-collar or one of the Village People. -- Judd Apatow, writer/director of "The 40 Year Old Virgin," briefly discusses his new film (Will Ferrell as a NASCAR driver) before going into an unbelievably cool Stones story. -- Speaking of the Stones, a Mick Jagger look-alike recently got VIP treatment at a gullible New York nightspot. And now I will give my Rod Stewart story:

During a college Spring Break in the Bahamas, I wound up at a random beach party thrown by some neighboring hotel. At this party was a man who looked very similar to Rod Stewart. He had dark sunglasses on and was barricaded by a group of handlers, but rumor had it that it was Rod, freshly arrived via his private yacht. Next thing I know, "Rod" is on stage judging a wholesome, competitive contest for young women. I decided the man was a complete fraud. But later in the night, my friend starts excitedly telling us that he just peed next to "Rod" in the bathroom and successfully tested him with obscure questions about "The Faces." To this day, he swears that it was the real Rod Stewart. I'm convinced he had a drunken "Billy Madison and the Penguin" moment. (Tim W. in Iowa City) -- Finally, video of Chad Johnson's Riverdance. I stand 100% behind my previous statement regarding this.

It's official -- 14 straight. In celebration, here's a little something I like to call "The Truth" ( -- Imagine what a recruiting visit from Suge Knight would be like. It starts off like "Training Day," with Suge having you meet him at a diner before insisting that you pay the bill, and ends with you dangling by your legs over a balcony until you sign a letter of intent. On a related note, there's only one coach out there who's still harder than Suge ( (Bomani J.) -- Joe Jackson's Hip Hop Boot Camp. For a man with an image that's "questionable" at best, couldn't they have found a better picture? (Adam De C.) -- I don't know which is stranger: my attraction to a woman dressed up as Ronald McDonald or the quote at the end of the article. -- In Pennsylvania high schools, boys are apparently allowed to openly participate on girls' teams. This has the capability of creating the greatest sports villain the world has ever known. Clubber Lang, Andy Kauffman, and "crazy Rick Fox on the Lakers" all rolled into one would still have nothing on the kid rounding second with his softball bat held high in the air, excitedly celebrating his fourth homerun of the afternoon. (Graham G.) -- Roy Firestone is truly one of a kind. Make sure to click on the "video clips" at the top of the page (takes a second to load) and then scroll down to "I Believe I Can Fly." Now get ready for the greatest two minutes of your life.

TUESDAY (Aron B.) '' I can't believe it took me so long to appreciate the wonder that is the Roger Ebert bad review. For this one, our hero all but declares war on Jenny McCarthy. -- They're making an OC video game. Anyone who buys this should be denied the right to vote, because clearly they're insane. Video games are about winning and losing, sometimes even causing severe psychological damage to your opponent if it's a particularly dramatic victory. This game sounds like the polar opposite of that. (David S.) -- Everyone needs a cause, and this man's cause is former Winona St. (Division II) wide receiver Chris Samp. After dedicating himself to the Chris Samp Heisman campaign last year, he has continued to follow Samp as a free-agent Eagles signee. Do yourself a favor and scroll down to the April 4th and 6th entries. (Jeffrey D.) -- Scroll down to the Doug Christie update and note how the Mavs plan to be "sensitive to [Jackie's] needs," only allowing male PR staffers to work with Doug. I wonder if you can legally defect from another person. -- Novel-length feature article on Conan O'Brien, but if you have a spare three hours to kill, it's a good read. There's a completely random mentioning of a simmering feud with Jon Stewart, but my favorite tidbit was learning that he responds to constant shouts of "Hello, Conan!" by making up nonsense nicknames like "Hello, Chopper." That's why he's Conan O'Brien and you're not.

Let's get straight to the point: With apologies to The Icky Shuffle, Donovan's Moonwalk, the Burger King's Deion, and T.O.'s dead-on Ray Lewis impression, Chad Johnson's Riverdance yesterday was the greatest touchdown celebration of all-time. That was nothing short of a revelation. -- Not only is Talan from "Laguna Beach" making an album, but I think this press release was specifically designed to make my head explode. I just learned that the reality television star has a new hairstyle to go with his "rocker" image, is recruiting Paris Hilton's music producers, and wants to "get a rapper on a rock song or something crazy like that" because "music is pushing boundaries." I will never get that minute and a half of my life back, and unless you can resist temptation, neither will you. (John K. in Kirkland, WA) -- The 10 Greatest Moments in Baseball Superstition History. adly, no mention of the time Eddie Harris crossed Jobu. (James S.) -- A little part of division managers everywhere just died ... -- Serious question: Can a defensive back say anything beyond "scoreboard" after getting lit up for 170 yards and three touchdowns? According to Sam Madison, the answer is a resounding "yes." Pick your battles, Sam. (Brian M.) -- It looks like Jason Priestley is strapped for cash. -- I can think of only one man evil enough to read this and still not like Charlie Weis. That man is Fred Savage.

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