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Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Updated: November 7, 8:10 PM ET
Bottom 10 bus is born to be mild

By David Duffey
ESPN.com

WEEK: Preseason | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Final

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

There's a suitcase poking me in the ribs
There's an elbow in my ear
There's a smelly old bum standing next to me
Hasn't showered in a year
I think I'm missing a contact lens
I think my wallet's gone
And I think this bus is stopping again
To let a couple more freaks get on -- look out

Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
Another comes on and another comes on
Another one rides the bus
Hey, who's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus


-- "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Another One Rides The Bus"

"Weird Al" Yankovic's blaring out of the speakers as the Bottom 10 bus rolls into its latest stop. This week's passengers are encouraged to join the celebration of Weird Al's 48th birthday.

Florida International still occupies the front seat after dropping its 19th straight game, and Utah State, which has dropped 13 in a row, is squeezing in next to the Panthers.

Some surprising departures created room for Marshall and North Texas to move into the row next to FIU and the Aggies.

Notre Dame selected Michael Jackson off the Bottom 10 iPod's song list and "Beat It" out of the rankings after an Oct. 6 win over UCLA. However, the Irish can now enjoy the vocal stylings of Weird Al and "Eat It" for a week in the highly coveted No. 5 spot after their 38-0 home loss to archrival USC.

Some more of Weird Al's song parodies drive us through the latest edition of the Bottom 10. If you can get the bus driver to pull over in Logan, Utah, catch the pillow fight of the week featuring Louisiana Tech and Utah State.

Have a comment about the Bottom 10 ranking? Send us your thoughts.

So, with apologies to Steve Harvey, here's the Bottom 10:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10
  RANK TEAM RECORD COMMENT
1. FIU 0-7 "Like A Surgeon": After losing their 19th consecutive game, the Panthers aren't exactly "cuttin' for the very first time."
2. Utah State 0-7 "I Can't Watch This": When the Aggies hit the television airwaves, you can bet Weird Al isn't watching them, either.
3. Marshall 0-7 "Stop Draggin' My Car Around": The Bottom 10 won't stop draggin' the nation's other winless team around until the Herd drive off with a win.
4. North Texas 1-6 "Born To Be Mild": "Get your program running, head out to the center, terminals are waiting, for the data you will enter." Problem is Todd Dodge and the Mean Green only have one win to enter.
5. Notre Dame
1-7 "You Don't Take Your Showers": "You used to smell half-decent, that hasn't been too recent … 'cuz you don't take your showers anymore." Think Weird Al had the Irish in mind when he penned those classic lines?
6. Northern Illinois 1-7 "Alternative Polka": After a couple of seasons on the pop charts, the lyrics on the Huskies' latest soundtrack have become much darker.
7. Minnesota 1-7 "The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota": I-AA North Dakota State traveled to Minneapolis to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. The Bison grabbed the Gophers' twine and hauled it back to Fargo.
8. Idaho 1-7 "Livin' In the Fridge": The Vandals must have sampled what was livin' in the fridge -- and it isn't agreeing with them this season.
9. Louisiana-Lafayette 1-7 "Cajun Paradise": OK, so Weird Al's parody is "Amish Paradise," but it takes hard work and sacrifice living in a Ragin' Cajun paradise, too -- especially this season.
10. SMU 1-6 "Callin' In Sick": "When I'm sick of takin' abuse, I just make up some lame excuse, Freedom's just seven digits away." The Mustangs would be wise to take Weird Al's advice.

Waiting list: Arizona (2-6), Duke (1-6), Iowa State (1-7), Ole Miss (2-6), Rice (1-6), UNLV (2-6).

David Duffey is the college football editor at ESPN.com.