|ESPN.com: Forde||[Print without images]|
Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (coaching-box laptop  sold separately in South Bend, and completely innocuously, and never to be used to help gain a decided schematic advantage of any kind):
|How long before Mike Leach gets an eHarmony endorsement?|
The fact Leach would field the question is tremendous. That he discussed it with a stone-cold straight face is supernatural, but in character. Leach could open the door to fetch the morning paper, be greeted by a Tyrannosaurus Rex on the front lawn and fail to change facial expression or voice inflection.
But it also got The Dash wondering what dating tips other coaches might offer young men on their campuses.
Bobby Petrino (3): "Flatter her all night -- but keep your eyes open. If you see a hotter girl, pretend to go to the bathroom and then slip off to get her phone number."
Rich Rodriguez (4): "Go with the no-huddle offense, and hope she doesn't respond with the no-cuddle defense."
Pete Carroll (5): "Treat her like someone special. Pour on the charm. Then once you get a commitment for a second date, make it clear that you have seven other bombshells lined up if she doesn't put out."
Bob Stoops (6): "It's all calendar-related. I've always had great success on first dates in September, October, November and December, but they bomb in early January for some reason."
Mike Gundy (7): "If she says something you don't like, stand up in the middle of the restaurant and scream your age at her."
|You'll probably have better luck with Anya Monzikova's briefcase on "Deal or No Deal" than on a date with her.|
Jim Tressel (9): "Keep it conservative. Maybe an ice cream cone followed by a little sweater shopping. If she has a Southern accent, give up immediately."
Bobby Bowden (10): "Make that date last forever. Even if it's no fun by the end of the night and you can tell she'd like you to leave, just keep hanging on."
Joe Paterno (11): "Take her to see one of those new-fangled motion picture shows. I hear they have some in color these days."
Nick Saban (12): "Tell her you're too busy breaking down Tennessee's third-and-long offensive tendencies to go on some stupid date. Where is your commitment, son? Who gave you permission to have a life? Drop and give me 20."
And if your date turns out to be Dashette Anya Monzikova (13), bring your A-game and hope it's good enough.
|Despite less NFL-caliber talent, Jim Grobe is working wonders at Wake Forest.|
Compare Grobe's results to those schools that have more of everything:
Virginia Tech (16) -- 11 NFL draftees, one first-rounder, 24-7 record. The Hokies have had four wide receivers drafted the past two years, including red-hot Denver Broncos rookie Eddie Royal, yet have been largely inept throwing the ball.
Miami (17) -- Eight NFL draftees, four first-rounders, 14-14 record. This was the bottoming-out process at the end of the Larry Coker Era and beginning of Randy Shannon's tenure.
Florida State (18) -- Eight NFL draftees, one first-rounder, 16-13 record. Sixteen games into high-paid offensive coordinator Jimbo Fisher's tenure, the Seminoles still have not scored 30 points against a BCS conference opponent. The three-point effort against Wake was pathetic.
|Tommy Bowden has turned into a serial underachiever at Clemson.|
Boston College (20) -- Five NFL draftees, two first-rounders, 23-7 record. The Eagles have an identical record to the Demon Deacons with better talent.
Virginia (21) -- Five NFL draftees, two first-rounders, 15-13 record. Once Chuck Amato and John Bunting were broomed off Tobacco Road, Al Groh became the undisputed shakiest coach in the league. Not much to show for having had Chris Long, Branden Albert, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Heath Miller, Matt Schaub ...
Georgia Tech (22) -- Five draftees, one first-rounder, 19-12 record. The switch to Paul Johnson should help the Yellow Jackets' endless struggle to rise above Pretty Good to Very Good.
The coaching in the ACC is gradually improving, with North Carolina, North Carolina State, Duke and Miami joining Georgia Tech in making recent upgrades. But clearly there is room for additional improvement.
But that's been followed up by another uniform maelstrom in Moscow. It seems the cheerleaders began the season wearing two-piece unis that showed more than many Mr. and Mrs. Vandal Fans wanted to see. (From pictures The Dash has seen of the unis, Idaho fans are slightly behind the times. Just a generation or two.)
"The cheerleader uniform scandal," was the rather hyperbolic phrase used on KREM-TV last week.
The "scandal" was put to rest when the cheerleaders wore football jerseys and volleyball shorts as a stop-gap measure for their next game. More uniforms have been ordered and are on the way.
The Dash hopes a school with a very modest athletic budget isn't dipping into it to buy second sets of uniforms for both the football team and the cheerleaders. If so, it can cut costs by firing the equipment manager, or whoever signed off on the gear in the first place.
|Nobody is missing Paul Smith with the way David Johnson is throwing the football.|
Kellen Moore (25), Boise State quarterback. Now you know why Chris Petersen chose the redshirt freshman over several more experienced QBs on his roster. He lit up Oregon in Autzen Stadium for 386 passing yards and three touchdowns in a game that made sure people didn't forget about the Broncos in the BCS Buster Derby.
Victor Anderson (26), Louisville running back. The redshirt freshman is tiny (5-foot-7, 175 pounds) but fast and full of moves -- a nice complement to banger back Brock Bolen. Anderson's 176 yards against Kansas State last week included three touchdown runs and gave the Cardinals' offense the explosiveness it has been lacking.
Jake Paulson (27), Air Force defensive tackle. He started out playing on the JV team and had started only a handful of games before this season. Now the senior Paulson leads the nation in sacks (six solo, two assists in four games), and he's scored a defensive touchdown and a safety for the plucky Falcons.
Mark Sanchez (28), USC quarterback. Sanchez was a hugely touted recruit, but Pete Carroll felt unsure enough about him as the successor to John David Booty that he took in Mitch Mustain as a high-profile transfer from Arkansas. That competition ended in the spring, though, and Sanchez has only further established his credentials after recovering from an August knee injury. He's ranked 13th nationally in pass efficiency for the No. 1 team in the country.
Daryll Clark (29), Penn State quarterback. Most people figured it wouldn't be hard to improve upon departed senior Anthony Morelli, but Clark has done more than that. He's thrown just one interception along with seven touchdowns passes in 114 career attempts and is running the Nittany Lions' explosive spread offense expertly -- admittedly against a cake schedule so far.
|Brandon James has been dynamic in the return game for the Gators.|
The Gators are the last team in America without a turnover and are a plus-nine in turnover margin through three games. On special teams, they've scored each contest: twice on Brandon James punt returns (74 and 78 yards) and once on a punt blocked through the end zone for a safety. Florida ranks third in the nation in punt returns, eighth in net punting, 12th in kickoff returns and has been perfect on placements.
All of which helps make up for a passing attack that ranks 98th nationally, making Tim Tebow's bid to repeat as Heisman Trophy winner a long shot.
There are a couple of nonconference credibility games left to come this week in the Pac-10: UCLA hosts Fresno State and California hosts Colorado State. But home field hasn't meant much to a league that is 8-5 in nonconference home games.
A year and a month tells us a little more. Not the entire picture, by any stretch -- at that point Willingham and Weis were heroes at Notre Dame and Rich Brooks (32) was a buffoon at Kentucky, for example. But this is where six men (one from each major conference) who started at their present schools in 2007 currently stand in the program-building department:
Nick Saban ahead of schedule at Alabama. Record: 11-6, 4-0 this year. The Crimson Tide has left Tuscaloosa twice this season to take on BCS-conference competition. Result: two wins by a combined score of 83-24. Instant-impact recruiting has taken Bama from sub-.500 in 2006 to the Top Ten in '08.
|It's still early, but Tim Brewster should get Minnesota bowl eligible.|
Gene Chizik (34) behind schedule at Iowa State. Nobody said it was going to be easy in Ames -- it never has been before, in 116 years of playing football. Chizik is only 3-7 against BCS conference opponents. Problem is, he's only 3-5 against non-BCS opponents. He still stands a solid chance of becoming successful, at least in the short term, but don't expect the breakthrough to happen this year in an improved Big 12 North.
Jim Harbaugh (35) ahead of schedule at Stanford. Record: 6-10, 2-2 this year. The Cardinal is well on its way to a seventh straight losing season, but Harbaugh has been a tangible upgrade from the Buddy Teevens/Walt Harris double whammy that retarded the program's growth earlier this decade. He's won four conference games in 11 tries, which is progress. That one of those wins was over No. 1 USC in Los Angeles sure doesn't hurt.
Butch Davis (36) ahead of schedule at North Carolina -- but not nearly as far as he could have been if they hadn't blown that lead Saturday to Virginia Tech. Record: 6-9, 2-1 this year. The Tar Heels had a true credibility game within their grasp against the Hokies, up 14 at home in the second half, and let it get away. Now they'll have to go at least six weeks without quarterback T.J. Yates, which could scuttle the season. Nevertheless, Davis has quickly upgraded the talent in Chapel Hill and should be set for the long haul.
Steve Kragthorpe (37) behind schedule at Louisville, but possibly gaining in a low-expectation second season. Record: 8-7, 2-1 this year. A hugely disappointing debut season was followed by a hugely disappointing season opener, a 27-2 loss to arch-rival Kentucky. But the Cardinals played their best game yet under Kragthorpe last week in beating Kansas State, and have an opportunity to make another statement Friday in a revenge game against Connecticut (UConn was the opponent in the infamous Fair Catch Game in 2007). Defensive coordinator Ron English has paid immediate dividends.
Meanwhile, The Dash is pleased to report that hundreds of Tennessee fans have located 1998 hero quarterback Tee Martin (39), alive and well in Georgia. Martin put on a camp this past summer for "dual-threat" quarterbacks such as himself and has coached on the high school and small-college levels. He also has done some analyst work for Comcast/Charter Sports Southeast. The Dash appreciates the background info.
Pat Forde is a senior writer for ESPN.com. He can be reached at ESPN4D@aol.com.