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Friday, December 5, 2008
Ho Ho Huh?

Little Bobby wanted a dirtbike for Christmas, so he wrote a letter to Santa. Upon checking his naught or nice list, Santa noticed that Bobby had been nice in the deuce double-oh eight (2008 for those who don't speak ebonics). Santa called upon his Japanese elves to construct a brand new Honda CR250 for little Bobby. When the elves finished constructing the dirtbike, they shipped it via FedEx to the North Pole for Santa's final inspection. Upon receiving the bike, Santa was so impressed he was like "Screw Bobby, that kid is whack yo. Plus he got a B- in science so I'm jacking this bike for myself son!"

Santa loaded up the bike in his sleigh and called out, "On Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, and Donner and Blitzen!" "Ho ho ho! We're headed to the land of bro's! For what tricks I'll pull, nobody knows! All I know is I'm gonna pull tons of hoes!"

And Santa went on his merry way, hitting a little turbulence over Seattle before finally touching down at the Metal Mulisha compound in Temecula, California. All of the sudden, shots rang out and Blitzen caught a cap in the dome, while Dasher caught a hollow-tip in his ass. Santa ran for cover behind one of Brian Deegan's ramps, but it wasn't enough to cover his fat, old ass. Deegan eyed up the scope and sniped Santa straight in the heart (Buck Hunter style son!) and took him to the ground. To make this long story short, the Metal Mulisha killed Santa and ultimately Christmas. So this year, when you save crap loads of money because you don't have to go Christmas shopping, you have the Mulisha to thank.

No, but seriously, that was probably the most awesome story I've ever told. But, unfortunately it's not true. But, what is true is that Jeff "Ox" Kargola was out at the Mulisha compound shooting some type of promotional deal for his sponsor Lost and our very own Cliff Talley was there to film Ox throwing down in his Santa suit.

Uh oh, no helmet? Ox just got added to Santa's naughty list!