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Friday, December 4, 2009
Updated: January 5, 3:55 PM ET
Even the fantasy world is abuzz about Tiger

Another long detour, even for me, on the way to today's fantasy content. Click here to just get to the Love/Hates. Otherwise, I would like to release a statement.

I have never met Tiger Woods. I have never texted with him, never spoken with him, never had any kind of romantic relationship with him.

Make no mistake. I thought about doctoring some photos, hiring Gloria Allred or making something up to get myself into the Tiger story. I mean, this one time, I did make out with my girlfriend while the final round of the Masters was on in the background, so maybe I can claim I'm involved in a love triangle with Tiger? The girl did say she thought Tiger was cute. Hmmm. Tiger tried to steal my girlfriend. ... Let me work on that one. I might be onto something here.

Look, I gotta figure something out. It's clearly the quickest way to fame at the minute. The more famous I get, the more awareness I bring to and our fantasy sports games. More famous means my page views and podcast downloads go up, which means more money from ESPN, more money from endorsements, in fact, I might actually get endorsements and, of course, all the other perks.

Insider access to pretty much anywhere I want to go, people catering to my every whim, money, girls and nonstop adoration wherever I go.