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With the 2009 tennis season behind us, we look back at the year's most memorable quotes:
Zingers: funny quips from the players
1. "It is probably one of my best wins, but best games? I don't think so. I have had some beautiful losses."
-- Emerging head case Ernests Gulbis, after a straight-sets win over Novak Djokovic in Sydney.
2. "There was a typo in the book. I did math, not meth."
-- Andre Agassi, joking about the sensation caused by his admission of crystal meth use in his autobiography. (This would have been a bigger surprise.)
3. "I had a feeling at changeovers that we would be there all summer long, that they would close the roof, people would sleep all night and wake up and me and Andy would still be there, beards growing, holding serve."
-- Roger Federer, on the seemingly endless Wimbledon final against Andy Roddick, which ended 16-14 in the fifth set.
4. "Prince gave everything to [Maria] Sharapova and [it has] no money anymore."
-- Nikolay Davydenko, on why he doesn't have a racket endorsement contract.
5. "I had so many."
-- Elena Dementieva, asked if this year's third-round defeat was her most disappointing loss in Paris.
6. "I was losing so much that I just had to do something about it. I didn't know what else, so I cut my hair. All of a sudden I started to win, so I don't want to change a thing now."
-- Heartthrob Feliciano Lopez, on cutting his famous locks.
7. "If I didn't have [a] wife, maybe I can say, 'Yeah, I'm disappointed I'm not maybe good looking.' I don't know about China, but in Russia, I still look good."
-- Non-heartthrob Nikolay Davydenko, being told that he's not that good looking.
8. "I regret he didn't retire earlier."
-- Marat Safin, asked to reflect on the retirement of Fabrice Santoro, against whom he has a 2-7 record.
9. "I never waited 27 years, because 27 years ago I was just born. My parents never told me, 'If you don't win Roland Garros we take you to the orphanage.'"
-- Roger Federer, asked what it was like to wait 27 years to win the French Open.
10. "I would have gone, 'Click.'"
-- Kim Clijsters, on how she would have reacted to a phone call predicting her return to the tour 18 months ago.
11. "I'm the best of the bad ones."
-- Juan Martin del Potro, joking about being No. 5 behind the Big Four of Federer, Rafael Nadal, Djokovic and Andy Murray.
12. "She said I looked cute in the shorts."
-- Andy Roddick, on wife Brooklyn Decker encouraging him to relaunch his career last year. (Larry Stefanki, on the other hand, said his butt looked too big.)
13. "Somebody just smack me so hard in my head that something shakes finally, and I put the cables together."
-- A frustrated Dinara Safina, on the potential solution to her on-court troubles.
14. "You need to write a book, what's going on with my serve. It's disaster. I don't bend my legs. Instead of jumping forward, I'm kicking it too much instead of hitting it. I drop my head, I don't hold the left arm. It's so much, that you just -- I don't know. I know this, and I'm still so stupid that I continue doing it."
-- An even more frustrated Dinara Safina, six months later.
15. "Now you give her reason enough to ask. She's going to expect something in the next couple of weeks."
-- Novak Djokovic, anticipating his girlfriend's reaction after being told Federer's results had improved since marriage.
16. "I socialize. What do you want me to say, 'I've got no friends?'"
-- Laura Robson, not taking the bait when asked if her career leaves her time to socialize.
17. "My problem is not that I don't want to play, it's that I don't want to live!"
-- Gaston Gaudio, berating himself during Miami qualifying. Later in the match, he exclaimed, "I'm winning with such bad tennis -- it's incredible!"
18. "You know, party every day until 6 a.m. and then sleep during the day."
-- Svetlana Kuznetsova, on what she was doing between winning the French Open and Wimbledon.
19. "It's a pain in the a--."
-- Marcos Baghdatis, on how it felt to play yet another late-night thriller at the Australian Open.
20. "He plays like PlayStation."
-- Juan Martin del Potro, on Nikolay Davydenko's fine form at the ATP World Tour finals.Slingers: fighting words
1. "I always beat Jankovic so who do you think I want to play?"
-- Marion Bartoli, on who she would rather face in the Stanford quarterfinals.
2. "She talks like she's Serena Williams. Who is she? She's just another player on the tour. Bartoli is going to get it tomorrow."
-- Jelena Jankovic, hearing of Bartoli's comments.
3. "I basically gave her everything. I beat myself. I was just a shadow of myself."
-- Jelena Jankovic, after losing to Victoria Azarenka in Doha.
4. "I'm glad she gave me the match, and she was not in the mood. It worked out pretty well for me."
-- Victoria Azarenka, hearing of Jankovic's comments.
5. "Is her last name Jankovic?"
-- Maria Sharapova, on Victoria Azarenka taking a medical timeout during their match in Beijing.
6. "If you're losing, just be a man, be a man and lose as a man. Don't pretend that you are injured and then you start running around and start to hit winners, and then all of a sudden you pull the hands up in the air after winning the match. I mean, what kind of sportsman are you? What kind of man are you?"
-- Marat Safin, after losing to an apparently injured Tomas Berdych at Shanghai.
7. "I said to the umpire, you know, he doesn't tell Maria [Sharapova] to keep quiet."
-- Michelle Larcher de Brito, after French Open opponent Aravane Rezai complained about de Brito's high-pitched shrieks.
8. "She was trying to impress me with her shouts, and I managed to win the match all the same."
-- Aravane Rezai, on the piercing shrieks of opponent Michelle Larcher de Brito at the French Open.
9. "You're not good enough to be that cocky."
-- Andy Roddick to Gael Monfils at the French Open.
10. "What is his ranking against my ranking?"
-- Defending champion and No. 3 Novak Djokovic, being told No. 4 Andy Murray was the favorite for the Australian Open.
Kamakshi Tandon is a freelance tennis writer for ESPN.com.