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Thursday, January 21, 2010
Updated: June 15, 1:30 PM ET
Dave Carnie talks Fat Old Guy Skateboards

Skateboarding's no lnoger for just the young or the svelt.

With so much of America concerned with weight loss and health I like that a brand has stepped up to let us fat guys know that we are beautiful just the way we are. And who better to helm this aged ship of lard than one of skateboarding's favorite fat old guys: Dave Carnie. Aside from being the former editor for the now defunct Big Brother magazine Dave is also a world renowned artist, foosballer, dancer and singer. It appears 2010 is the year of the Carn Carn with the release of Fat Old Guy, Dave's upcoming book as well as his reality show where he tries to find a chill neighbor. Yup, Carnie's back, hide your beer.

What are you wearing?
I'm wearing house pants and a T-shirt. I am not allowed to wear house pants outside. They're sweatpants. My wife made it a rule by saying it out loud, but I've always abided by that law even before it was enacted into law. I hate it when people wear their house pants outside. Like those stupid girls you see on flights that are dressed like they're going to a sleep over. I'm also not a fan of the velour suit, popular among older ladies who wish they were still cute enough to wear their pajamas to the airport. Sweatpants are also a popular garment among the Eastern European gangster community that has settled throughout America. I happen to live in an area (Glendale, CA) that has the highest population of Armenians outside of Armenia. I didn't even know what Armenia was before I moved here. But the Armenians love their casual athletic fashion. If you wondered where FUBU went, it's here in Glendale. I've learned from their casual attire mistakes: don't wear your house pants outside. But the real reason? If I wore my house pants outside, I'd look like Carl from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." Once you wear your house pants in public, you're damaged goods.

What's the deal with F.O.G.?
It's skateboards for Fat Old Guys. You know those husky, bearded fellows you see at your local skate park? The guys in the corner skating the big bowl in full pads, with their butts sticking out? Not those fat old guys. Those fat old guys will surely enjoy Fat Old Guy skateboards, but we're making boards for fat old guys who never stopped skating. Those other dudes just awoke from a coma and still think it's 1984. "New skatepark? Hmmm, I used to skate ... I wonder if my old Ken Park board is still in the garage?" Those guys session eBay. And they want to ride the 11-inch-wide aircraft carriers we used to ride back then. Which is fun and all, but skateboarding has evolved and that's due in part to advances in shape and design. FOG boards have one foot in the past, but at the same time they're made for skating NOW. Granted you're probably not going to be f/s flipping a double set on one, but you can ollie up a curb and still do a tail block on the extension. By the way, does anyone know where I can get a mint condition Lester Kasai?

How did you link up with Tod Swank (Owner of Tum Yeto Distribution) to do it?
Tod's a fat old guy like myself, so I figured he'd have a whole quiver of, you know, "square tail" boards. But he only sent me one, and it sucked. I was like, "Dude, you need some more shapes for fat old guys." To which he said, "Let's do it." So we've teamed up to create this silly little line of boards and apparel designed with the fat old guy in mind.

That chick is one funny dude. Fat Old Guy founder, Dave Carnie.

When will it be available?
I'm being told February. They're going to be a part of Tum Yeto's Spring collection. To start, there will be two boards available. One is called the "Fat Old Guy with a big red wiener," and that's the little cruiser board. I like to refer to it as the "sunset liquor store migration model." I've been honing this shape since the late '90s with my old board company, Whale Cock. We were making cruiser boards before they were the hip cool fad they are now. I'm glad they're cool now because they are. Cool. And that board features a drawing of our little wiener dog, Beckett. The second shape is kind of the pool/park/ramp board. But it's not too big. I kind of stole the shape from a couple of—actually, I probably shouldn't say who I stole the shape from, huh? It's from two pro's models I really enjoy riding ... I won't use their real names, but the shape is based on a sreteP enauD board and a ossorG ffeJ. And then the tail is dipped in blue. That's the big selling point, "Dipped in Blue!" After you ride a board that's been dipped in blue, you'll never ride another board again.

What's the deal with your book coming out? Is it still coming out on April Fools Day?
"Boob" is a collection of the 13 years of writing I did in Big Brother magazine. I wish we could do a coffee table book about Big Brother, but that costs money, and no one has the time to devote to such a huge project. Hopefully it'll happen some day? In the meantime, I felt like at least documenting my history with the magazine and putting together a collection of all the stuff I did back then would make for a nice little book. Although I don't think it's going to be very little. Apparently I wrote a lot. I'm not even including everything I wrote and we're up around 700 pages. I'm wrapping up the final manuscript right now, so hopefully it will be out long before April Fool's Day. This, incidentally, will also be the first offering from King S**t Publishing, The first of many books, we hope. I should also mention that Vans has been generous enough to make "the greatest work of skateboard journalism ever" even possible. Thank you Vans, and thank you Robin.

What's it about? Dragons?
Pfft. Dragons? Are you serious? Dragons are so '90s. Vampires. "Boob" is a collection of 13 years of stories about teenage vampires. But yeah it's about dragons. And stuff.