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Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A Nightmare on Sixth Street for Horns

By Mark Schlabach
ESPN.com

WEEK: Preseason | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:


One, two, Freddy's coming for you.
Three, four, better lock your door.
Five, six, grab your crucifix.
Seven, eight, better stay awake.
Nine, ten, never sleep again.


-- "A Nightmare on Elm Street"

As we celebrate Halloween and move into the final month of college football's regular season, life has certainly become a nightmare on Sixth Street in Austin, Texas.

Defending Big 12 champion Texas, which upset then-No. 5 Nebraska 20-13 on the road two weeks ago, lost at home to Iowa State 28-21 on Saturday. It was the Longhorns' first-ever loss to the Cyclones, who were coming off a 52-0 drubbing at the hands of Oklahoma.

With his team limping into Saturday's home game against No. 25 Baylor with a 4-3 record, Texas coach Mack Brown is doing his best Freddy Krueger impersonation. He's calling out his players and coaches, and blaming his team's sense of entitlement for its uncharacteristic struggles.

Like Krueger, the Bottom 10 doesn't hide its imperfections. But while Krueger terrified us with his burned, disfigured face, Bottom 10 teams aren't going to scare anyone when they step on the field.

Texas' ongoing nightmare is not nearly as terrifying as the massacre Louisiana-Lafayette suffered last week. The not-so-Ragin' Cajuns were routed 54-21 by Western Kentucky, which ended its 26-game losing streak, the longest in the country. The Hilltoppers had 409 yards of offense and won a game for the first time since Sept. 20, 2008.

With apologies to Freddy Krueger and Steve Harvey, here are the movies that will scare the hell out of you on Halloween, along with this week's Bottom 10:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10
  RANK TEAM '10 RECORD COMMENT
1. Akron 0-8 "The Ring": It took Naomi Watts nearly two hours to find a young girl at the bottom of a well. It wouldn't take her nearly as long to find the Zips, who are now at the very bottom of the Bottom 10.
2. New Mexico 0-7 "The Exorcist": After losing 18 of 19 games in two seasons under coach Mike Locksley, it might take an exorcism (or a coaching change) to turn the Lobos into winners again.
3. New Mexico State 1-6 "Invasion of the Body Snatchers": There might have been some jersey snatching in the Pillow Fight of the Decade. Since beating the Lobos 16-14 on Oct. 9, the Aggies have played just as poorly as their woeful in-state rivals, losing to Fresno State and Idaho by a combined score of 70-24.
4. Eastern Michigan 1-7 "Seven": Brad Pitt hunted a serial killer who used the seven deadly sins as his modus operandi. The Eagles committed football's seven deadly sins in their 48-21 loss at Virginia: poor running, passing, catching, blocking, tackling, kicking and punting.
5. Texas 4-3 "Poltergeist": Like Tangina and Carol Anne, Mack Brown is pulling out all stops in trying to get his Longhorns to see the light after they dropped consecutive games at home.
6. San Jose State 1-7 "28 Days Later": On Oct. 2, the Spartans inexplicably lost to FCS foe UC-Davis, 14-13. Twenty-eight days later, they'll try to end a five-game losing streak in Saturday's game at New Mexico State, the Pillow Fight of the Week.
7. Memphis 1-6 "Halloween": It seemed to take Michael Myers a couple of hours to break down a closet door to find Jamie Lee Curtis. The Tigers have been trying to knock down the door of ineptness for much longer.
8. Bowling Green 1-7 "Amityville Horror": The Lutz family knew their new house was haunted when black goo began backing up in their toilets, which is kind of how the Falcons have looked this season. Worse, both horrors are actually true stories.
9. UNLV 1-6 "Texas Chainsaw Massacre": The Rebels have to be expecting a massacre when they host No. 4 TCU on Saturday night. At least they won't have to eat dinner with Leatherface's family while sitting in a chair made with human skin.
10. North Texas 1-6 "Dawn of the Dead": The Mike Canales era begins at North Texas with Saturday's game at Western Kentucky, which rose from the ashes last week to win its first game in two years.

Waiting list: Duke (1-6), Minnesota (1-7), UCLA suspensions, Florida Atlantic (1-5), Marshall (1-6), Oklahoma's fourth quarter, Washington State (1-7), Western Kentucky (1-6), being ranked No. 1, Rice (2-6), Central Michigan (2-6), LSU's passing game, Louisiana-Lafayette (2-5), Notre Dame's bowl hopes, Utah State (2-5), Colorado State (2-6), threat of cow bell bans, Kansas (2-5), Tennessee (2-5), Big Least, Ball State (2-6) and Buffalo (2-5).


Mark Schlabach covers college football for ESPN.com.