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Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Hawkeyes nose-dive into Bottom 10

By Mark Schlabach

WEEK: Preseason | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

Fez: I just wish that there was someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist.

Kelso: Well, that's Canada. … Yup, good ol' Canada. They don't make generalizations about people because they're too busy playin' hockey or gettin' drunk or puttin' maple syrup on their ham."

"That '70s Show"

What's the only thing better than maple syrup on Canadian bacon?

A bronze pig.

That's what Minnesota won by upsetting No. 24 Iowa 27-24 on Saturday. The Gophers claimed the Floyd of Rosedale Trophy, a bronze pig, which they proudly carried through the stands of TCF Bank Stadium in Minneapolis.

In the span of six weeks, the Hawkeyes went from BCS national championship contender to a five-loss team. Iowa lost its last three games to claim the not-so-coveted No. 5 spot in the final Bottom 10 of the 2010 season.

Ashton Kutcher, who briefly attended Iowa before leaving school for a modeling and acting career, can't be happy about the Hawkeyes' nosedive. Earlier this season, Kutcher tweeted that he believed Iowa was a legitimate national championship contender. Instead, the Hawkeyes will spend the holidays playing in one of the Big Ten's lesser bowls.

Of course, the rest of the Bottom 10 won't be bowling in the postseason. But at least none of the Bottom 10 teams will carry a winless record into the offseason. Akron, which was No. 1 in the Bottom 10 rankings after entering its final game with a 0-11 record, defeated Buffalo 22-14 last week to earn a 10-month reprieve from the Bottom 10.

With apologies to Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and Steve Harvey, here's this week's Bottom 10:'s Bottom 10
1. Memphis 1-11 "Just Married": It's safe to say coach Larry Porter's honeymoon is over after the Tigers lost 11 games by an average of four touchdowns.
2. San Jose State 1-11 "Cheaper by the Dozen": It's a good thing the Spartans played FCS foe Southern Utah this season. San Jose State's 16-11 win over the Thunderbirds on Sept. 18 was its only victory of the season.
3. New Mexico 1-11 "Punk'd": The Lobos have to wonder if the past two seasons -- they're 2-22 under coach Mike Locksley -- were some kind of cruel practical joke.
4. Buffalo 2-10 "Guess Who": Guess who lost to previously winless Akron last week? The Bulls closed the season by losing to Ball State, Eastern Michigan and Akron. Ouch.
5. Iowa 7-5 "What Happens in Vegas": Las Vegas oddsmakers made Iowa a 16-point favorite over Minnesota, but the Hawkeyes gained only 218 yards of offense.
6. Eastern Michigan 2-10 "That '70s Show": The Eagles gave up 646 yards of offense in a 71-3 loss to Northern Illinois in their finale, the second time they've allowed 70 points or more this season.
7. New Mexico State 2-10 "No Strings Attached": There are plenty of strings attached to Aggies coach DeWayne Walker, who was given a five-year contract. He has a 5-20 record in two seasons.
8. Western Kentucky 2-10 "The Butterfly Effect": Slowly but surely, the Hilltoppers are transforming themselves into an FBS team. After losing 26 games in a row, Western Kentucky won two of its last six contests.
9. Vanderbilt 2-10 "Dude, Where's My Car": Commodores coach Robbie Caldwell might have been looking for his dealer car and office keys after last week's 34-13 loss to Wake Forest.
10. Bowling Green 2-10 "Open Season": It was open season on the Falcons' defense all season, as they allowed 24 points or more in each of their 10 losses.

Waiting list: Akron (1-11), Texas in the red zone, Washington State (2-9), UNLV (2-10), Michigan's defense, Florida's offense, Duke (3-9), Southern Cal's dynasty, Louisiana-Lafayette (3-9), Miami's home-field advantage, Central Michigan (3-9), Kansas (3-9), Cal's "injuries," Wyoming (3-9), Boise State's field goals, Georgia Tech's extra point, Colorado State (3-9), Wake Forest (3-9), Ball State (4-8), Tulane (4-8)

Mark Schlabach covers college football for